sCRYINGed: In a Nutshell
by GYRAX
Summary: A parody that nobody wanted, but it's here, anyway!
1. Kazukun, the Quintessence of Brute Force

Note: I do not own s-CRY-ed, or any other intellectual properties. They are all copyrights of their respectful owners. The rest, however, is MINE, BEE-YOTCHES!

WARNING: Reading this load of crap will be detrimental to your IQ. Proceed at your own discretion.

It's PARODY TIME!

* * *

GYRAX Presents… s-CRYING-ed: In a Nutshell 

Episode 1: _Kazu-kun, the Quintessence of Brute Force._

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* * *

_LOST GROUND

(MIMORI is on an AIRPLANE)

MIMORI: La-la-laa. I'm on a plane, minding my own business, wishing I could sing, but I'd probably suck at it.

(She sees KAZUMA on the planes left wing.)

KAZUMA: Ohayo!

MIMORI: Ack! Stalker! (Did he just say Ohio?)

KAZUMA: Crap, I'm so out of here! (KAZUMA jumps off the plane.) Remember kids. Cool people don't use parachutes.

(He falls face first on the ground below. RANDOM GANGSTAS look at his twitching stupid body.)

RANDOM GANGSTAS: God, he's stupid.

(KAZUMA recovers and sees the chief, tied up to an I-beam.)

KAZUMA: Don't fret any, chief. I'll save you, and I'll do so by using my brilliant metallic arm to create a mighty explosion that engulfs people!

EXPLOSION: BLAMMO!

NEXT DAY

(RANDOM INSPECTOR and DETECTIVE look at the crime scene. SCHERIS approaches.)

SCHERIS: Let me guess.

SCHERIS and RANDOM INSPECTOR SIMULTANEOUSLY: Native Alter.

SCHERIS: Too bad I'm jailbait, cuz I think we're soooo compatible. (SCHERIS creeps us all out. Thankfully, she stops.)

RANDOM INSPECTOR: According to what I heard, the Native jumped off the plane without a parachute, and then fell face first to the ground…

SCHERIS: Well, he's an idiot. He should know damn well that all cool people use parachutes. Keep up. (SHERIS leaves, acting like she's cute. The AUDIENCE doesn't buy it.)

RANDOM INSPECTOR: Her voice is funny.

RANDOM DETECTIVE: Yeah, I know, dude.

SCHERIS: La-la-laa. I'm being adorable, strolling around, wishing I could sing, but I'd probably suck at it.

LOST GROUND SLUMS

POOR PEOPLE: We may be poor, but we're living a better life than you are, lazy bastards.

KAZUMA'S DILAPIDATED ESTATE

KANAMI: I love you, Kazu-kun, but I think you could use some improvements.

KAZUMA: You saw it, didn't you!

Enter KUNIHIKO: It is I, Kunihiko Kirishima! I have a job for you!

KAZUMA: Ha-ha! You have a girl's name!

KUNIHIKO: Shut-up! Anyway, your mission, should you accept it, is to beat up a BIG UGLY DUDE.

KAZUMA: Yaaaay! I get to beat up BIG UGLY DUDES!

CONVENIENTLY ABANDONED CITY BLOCK AT NIGHT

BIG UGLY DUDE: Gimme yo lunch munny be4 I bust a cap on yo a$$!

HIDEKI: You're the meanest big ugly dude, EVER!

BIG UGLY DUDE: I'm ugly and I'm proud! I'm ugly and I'm proud! I'm ugly and I'm proud! Ok, no I'm not.

KAZUMA: I've come to beat the crap out of you!

BIG UGLY DUDE: BIG UGLY ROBOT! I choose you! (BIG UGLY ROBOT magically appears.)

KAZUMA: A BIG UGLY DUDE with a BIG UGLY ROBOT! EAT THIS! (KAZUMA defeats BIG UGLY DUDE.)

BIG UGLY DUDE: DEFEATED!

KUNIHIKO: Ur the most awesome-est guy 3V4R!11!1

ROUND 2- KAZUMA vs. HOLD

SCHERIS: Hi! I'm Scheris Adjani of HOLY! Don't you wish you had a cool name like mine?

KAZUMA: No. How about I demonstrated my m4d sk1llz on your precious convoy. (KAZUMA punches CONVOY.)

CONVOY: OUCH!

SCHERIS: WAAAAUUGH! (SCHERIS falls over, with her legs spread out. Fangirls are outraged!) WAAAAAAAAAAAH! Panty shot! This is supposed to be a serious action series for Christ's sake! DAMN YOU, AKAMATSU!

RYUHO: Stop this nonsense, because I say so!

KAZUMA: Who the scribbly-babble are you?

RYUHO: I am Ryhuo, and I am far cooler than you'll ever hope to be!

KAZUMA: Oh yeah? Then why are you wearing Axe Body Spray?

RYUHO: Shut-up! Your attempts to berate me are amusing, little one! I am Ryuho! I am the one! I am the Matrix! WHOOSH!

(AUDIENCE is captivated by his bullet time skillz.)

RYUHO: And I shall make you my bitch!

KAZUMA: I don't like the sound of that.

RYUHO: ZETSUEI, I choose you!

(ZETSUEI magically appears.)

KAZUMA: That thing looks like Ringo Starr in a straight jacket!

RYUHO: ZETSUEI! EVIL STREAMER ATTACK!

(ZETSUEI uses its EVIL STREAMERS to sissy-slap the living daylights out of KAZUMA.)

KAZUMA: WAAAAAAARGH! I'M HIS BITCH! God, I hope I don't go to prison!

GOD: Guess what, Kazu-kun! You're going to prison! Oh, and you could use some improvements.

KAZUMA: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

(RYUHO uses his POKEBALL to capture KAZUMA.)

The End, Bee-yotches!

* * *

Next Time… s-CRYING-ed: In a Nutshell 

Episode 2: _Ryuho Wants to Make You his Bitch!_


	2. Ryuho Wants to Make You his Bitch!

Note: I do not own s-CRY-ed, or any other intellectual properties. They are all copyrights of their respectful owners. The rest, however, is MINE, BEE-YOTCHES!

WARNING: Reading this load of crap will be detrimental to your IQ. Proceed at your own discretion.

It's PARODY TIME!

* * *

GYRAX Presents… s-CRYING-ed: In a Nutshell 

Episode 2: _Ryuho Wants to Make You his Bitch!_

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INTRO

RYUHO: I am the star of the show, now!

KAZUMA: What!

RYUHO: Hey, I thought I was making you my bitch! ZETSUEI! ATTACK!

(ZETSUEI uses its EVIL STREAMERS to slap KAZUMA silly.)

KAZUMA: Stupid evil Pokémon!

LOST GROUND AT NIGHT

RANDOM ALTER USER: HOLY sux!

RYUHO: No, you suck. (RYUHO uses his POKEBALL to capture the RANDOM ALTER USER.)

GANGSTAS: How dare you treat our homeboy like a Pokémon!

RYUHO: I dare, ok? Now stay out of my way or I'll make you all my bitches!

GANGSTAS: WAAAAAAARGH! WE'RE ALL HIS BITCHES!

NEXT DAY, AT A LABORATORY

MIMORI: AT LAST! MY GREATEST CREATION IS COMPLEEEETEEED! (I always wanted to say that.) Now, I'm going to bring back some fond memories of Ryuho and me. Good times.

FLASHBACK

YOUNG MIMORI: Hi, I'm Mimori Kiryu, girl genius!

YOUNG RYUHO: Hi, I'm Ryuho, and I'm an Alter User!

YOUNG MIMORI: OH, MY GOD! Let's make out!

YOUNG RYUHO: Whatever, but don't come to my house, or I'll hurt you.

YOUNG MIMORI: You have an issue with abusive relationships or something?

YOUNG RYUHO: Umm…Yeah.

YOUNG MIMORI: Okay, but I'm coming over, anyway! Boy, for a girl genius, I just can't take in the concept of abusive relationships!

END FLASHBACK

NICE LOOKING STREETS NEAR LABORATORY

(A CAR approaches MIMORI)

MIMORI: Ack! Another stalker!

STRAIGHT: Actually, I'm Straight Cougar, and I'm your escort for the day, MINORI!

MIMORI: It's MIMORI!

STRAIGHT: Whatever, MINORITY. I'll just deliberately get your name wrong to piss you off.

ROAD TRIP TO HOLY

STRAIGHT: I have the power of speed at my disposal! I am The Flash bitch!

(CAR turns to EVIL SPEED DEMON.)

STRAIGHT: Ilikespeed! Whenyoudothingsfastertheworldisabetterplacetolive! ThatswhyIlikespeed! Speedspeedspeedspeedspeedspeed!

MIMORI: I don't understand a thing you're saying. (She covers her mouth with a HANKERCHIEF.) Ugh! I'm sick! I wish I could vomit in your face!

HOLY HQ

STRAIGHT: Na-na, na-na, na-na, na-na! I'm the f---ing greatest!

CAR: EXPLODES!

Enter SCHERIS: Hi, faithful! Welcome to HOLY! Masses are at 7:30 AM, 9:00 AM, 10:30 AM, Noon, and 5:30 PM. Misa en Español is at 7:30 PM!

MIMORI: I'm Mimori Kiryu, girl genius!

SCHERIS: …with a problematic ego.

MIMORI: What was that?

Enter RYUHO: The Commander will see you shortly. Oh, hi Mimori!

MIMORI: Hiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii!

SCHERIS is pissed off and resorts to using her JEDI MIND TRICK: Ryuho. You do not know this woman.

RYUHO is DUMBFOUNDED: I do not know this woman.

(SCHERIS exits with RYUHO, holding his hand and being all snuggly-snuggly. She looks back at MIMORI)

SCHERIS: Hee-hee!

MIMORI: YOU WANT A PIECE OF ME, YOU LITTLE TURD!

CAFETERIA (After a delightful, but BORING conversation with the COMMANDER)

MIMORI: Once that bitch with the ugly voice comes in here, I'll eat like I just won the Glutton Bowl. She will ph34r my m4d 34t1n sk1llz!

FAT GUY WITH WATERMELON: I just won the Glutton Bowl.

MIMORI: That's apparent.

Enter SCHERIS: Don't mind the posse of HOLY. We're all crazy.

MIMORI: Thanks for the piece of advice, but I still hate you.

SCHERIS: Feeling's still mutual.

(They both drink TEA together.)

SCHERIS: Bye, you stuck-up, uptight, high-strung, tar-haired bitch that makes Janet Reno seem like a $3 Bangkok slut, and has an ego that could inflate the Goodyear Blimp.

MIMORI: See you later, you water-headed, boyfriend stealing, dishwasher-warped ho-bag whose only role in this series is to flip up that tiny translucent lavender skirt as fan service for 13-to-31–year old fanboys.

(SCHERIS leaves.)

Enter STRAIGHT: So, how's Scheris?

MIMORI sips her TEA: You mean condom-top? I hate her.

STRAIGHT: I'm sorry to hear that, MOMOKO. How about we go to a CLIFF together and witness their M4D SK1LLZ?

MIMORI: Let me think about it… No.

STRAIGHT: GREAT! I'll get the car ready!

A DISTANT CLIFF AT NIGHT

STRAIGHT: Scheris and Ryuho are the only ones doing the work because they're cooler than the rest of us.

MIMORI: Oh, is that how it's supposed to be?

STRAIGHT: BOO!

MIMORI: WAAAAAAAH! That was totally random and incoherent.

STRAIGHT: Just look through the binoculars, MAMIMI.

MIMORI sees SHERIS fall over after KAZUMA socked the CONVOY: Heh-heh. I see London, I see France! I can see her underpants! See, what did I tell you?

STRAIGHT: You saw WHAT? Give those back!

MIMORI: Screw you, you zany pervert! (She looks through the BINOCULARS again and sees RYUHO and KAZUMA square off.)

RYUHO: 1 4m t3h 0n3, 4nd 1 sh4ll m4k3 u my b1tch! Ph34r my sup3r10r l33t sp34k!

KAZUMA: J0 M4M4'S S0 0LD, J00 C0ULD F1ND 4 P1C7UR3 0F M0S3S 1N H3R Y34RB00K! H4-H4!11!

RYUHO: J0 I/I4I/I4'$ $0 /R1IIKLY, 7I-I47 $I-I3 /4$ I/I1$74K3II F0R 4 $I-I4R-P31 4IID T4K3II I-I0I/I3 4S 4 P37!

KAZUMA: Damn! His l337 is so advanced that it's become completely incoherent!

RYUHO: ZETSUEI, I choose you!

(ZETSUEI magically appears.)

KAZUMA: That thing looks like Ringo Starr in a straight jacket!

RYUHO: ZETSUEI! EVIL STREAMER ATTACK!

(ZETSUEI uses its EVIL STREAMERS to sissy-slap the living daylights out of KAZUMA.)

KAZUMA: WAAAAAAARGH! I'M HIS BITCH!

(RYUHO uses his POKEBALL to capture KAZUMA.)

MIMORI drops the BINOCULARS: My God! He's turned to the Dark Side of the Force!

(The STAR WARS IMPERIAL MARCH plays in the background as RYUHO takes his POKEBALL and gets back in the CONVOY.)

FANGIRL: Wait! I didn't remember that happening!

GYRAX: Animators just like to add on things.

KAZUMA (from his POKEBALL): Any way you see it, I'm screwed to the max.

The End, Bee-yotches!

* * *

Next Time… s-CRYING-ed: In a Nutshell 

Episode 3: _The UN-HOLY Trinity._


	3. The UNHOLY Trinity

Note: I do not own s-CRY-ed, or any other intellectual properties. They are all copyrights of their respectful owners. The rest, however, is MINE, BEE-YOTCHES!

WARNING: Reading this load of crap will be detrimental to your IQ. Proceed at your own discretion.

It's PARODY TIME!

* * *

GYRAX Presents… s-CRYING-ed: In a Nutshell 

Episode 3: _The UN-HOLY Trinity._

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THE PAST, IN SOME PLACE

EXPLOSION: BLAMMO!

EVERYONE: DIES!

RYUHO magically GETS UP: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! BANJO! I MEAN, MOTHEEEEEEEEEEERRR!

(ZETSUEI appears.)

RYUHO: SW33T! A P0K3M0N! I MEAN, THAT UGLY THING KILLED MY PARENTS!

HOLY HQ

MIMORI: Don't you think what you're doing to these people is wrong. I mean you treating them like Pokémon; for God's sake, that's un-HOLY!

ZIGMARI: First of all, that was the worst pun ever, and second, these are BAD people.

(POKEBALL goes into HALLWAY and releases KAZUMA)

KAZUMA: WOO-HOO! That was kick-ass! I mean, crap that wasn't a pleasant trip.

RYUHO: I will now interrogate you. NO ONE EXPECTS THE SPANISH INQUISITION!

KAZUMA: Not good.

PITCH BLACK ROOM

(KAZUMA is being squeezed like an orange in a juicer.)

RANDOM INQUISITIONER: I will now ask you some questions, but I know you'll ignore me, because you're an asshole.

RYUHO: He'll answer me, though, because he's my bitch!

RANDOM INQUISITIONER: Umm…yeah. I'm going now.

RYUHO: Now, Second Degree Criminal NP-32232332223233232, WITNESS OUR MAGNIFICENT TAG-TEAM!

(RYUHO and ZETSUEI use their TAG-TEAM SK1LLZ on KAZUMA.)

RYHUO: One question before I continue whipping your candy ass. Have you seen an Alter User with a black right arm and a white left one? (Or was it the other way around?)

KAZUMA: Oh, yeah. He's my cousin. Just kidding!

RYUHO: Very well, Second Degree Criminal NP- Lotsa-Threes-n-Twos. PH34R T3H P30PL3S 3LB0W! (He elbow drives KAZUMA.) CAN YOU SMEEEEEELLLLLLLLL WHAT THE ROCK IS COOKIIIIIING!

KAZUMA: Big meanie!

ZIGMARI: We have decided the hedonist's fate!

JAIL CELL

KAZUMA: Damn! I need a savior to help me, now!

MIMORI: I am your savior! I have come back in glory to judge the living and the dead, or I'm just her to rescue your sorry ass.

KAZUMA: I'll just go with the latter. You see, I did some naughty things in my life, fantasizing about Kanami growing up to be a sexy miniskirt-wearing contortionist/capoeirista or something.

MIMORI: Grow up! We're bustin dis joint!

KAZUMA: Damn! I'm too weak to walk. I should've taken that pie!

HOLY HQ

ASUKA: Hi! I share a name with a well known Evangelion character, and I'm stupid enough to let a Native Alter disguised as a petty soldier get to headquarters!

KAZUMA: You ain't just Whistling Dixie, brother! (He sucker punches ASUKA.)

ASUKA: You big meanie!

HOLY: You won't get away with that, Native Alter! We won't let you, for we are the Sentai of HOLY, fighters of order and justice, in our own minds! (Everyone strikes SILLY POSES. You see SCHERIS fall in the background, accidentally flashing her panties again.)

MIMORI: Ha-ha!

KAZUMA: Great, I'm fighting the Power Rangers.

RYUHO: Second Degree Criminal NP-I'm-Not-Even-Gonna-Bother.

KAZUMA: The name's Kazuma, dork! (He punches RYUHO in the face.) Anyway, I have a hostage! (He holds MIMORI.)

MIMORI: And after I broke my ass off to save you! (She steps on KAZUMA'S foot.)

KAZUMA: Cut the crap! We're bustin dis joint! (They ESCAPE.)

ROAD OUT OF HOLY.

(KAZUMA sings Kenny Loggin's _Danger Zone._)

MIMORI: Are you singing the _Top Gun_ soundtrack from 1986?

KAZUMA: Of course not. Now at least ACT like a hostage.

STRAIGHT: Hey, it's KAZUYA!

KAZUMA: It's KAZUMA, you big-nosed Shotaro Ishinomori reject!

KUNIHIKO: There's no need to fear! Kunihiko Kimishima is here!

KAZUMA: WOO-HOO! I'm outta here! (He ditches MIMORI.)

MIMORI: OH GOD! I'M GOING TO CRASH!

STRAIGHT: There's no need to fear! Straight Cougar is here! (His car magically clings to hers.)

RYUHO: Sorry about the car, dude. I'll stop him, because he's my bitch.

STRAIGHT: Umm…yeah. I'll stick around here with MINNIE MOUSE. Hmmm… Minnie Mouse. Minnie, Minnie, Minnie… Minnie Mouse.

MIMORI: --;

RYUHO: Kazuma! Stop this instant!

KAZUMA: I don't think so, bee-yotch! (He uses his COOL PUNCH ATTACKS to escape.)

RYUHO: Crap! No one escaped my wrath, before. I HAVE to remember his name, now. (A moment of CHEESY TOUGH BISHOUNEN SILENCE ensues.)

STRAIGHT: He looked too much like that Tekken character.

RYUHO collapses: Ugh! I'm dying, here!

MIMORI: Ryuho!

SCHERIS: STAY THE HELL AWAY FROM HIM, YOU BLEEDING VAGINAL BELCH! (She hogs RYUHO all to herself.)

MIMORI: You're the meanest conniving bitch, 3V4R!

SCHERIS: Yeah, I know.

DESERT AREA IN THE EVENING

KUNIHIKO: I'm flat broke, dude.

KAZUMA: None to worry pal. I have a load of jewelry I found at the locker room.

KUNIHIKO: Oooooh! Shiny!

KAZUMA: For a supremacist organization, they had a surprising amount of bling! We could be pimps!

KUNIHIKO: YAY! LET'S BE PIMPS! We'll grind Snoop Dogg's ass to the pavement!

The End, Bee-yotches!

* * *

Next Time… s-CRYING-ed: In a Nutshell 

Episode 4: _Big Magnums, Keeping the Internet Appealing since Forever._


	4. Big Magnums, Keeping the Internet Appeal

Note: I do not own s-CRY-ed, or any other intellectual properties. They are all copyrights of their respectful owners. The rest, however, is MINE, BEE-YOTCHES!

WARNING: Reading this load of crap will be detrimental to your IQ. Proceed at your own discretion.

It's PARODY TIME!

* * *

GYRAX Presents… s-CRYING-ed: In a Nutshell 

Episode 4: _Big Magnums, Keeping the Internet Appealing since Forever._

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INTRO

MIMORI: Hey! We barely make an appearance! It's all about Kazuma this week!

SCHERIS: So you wanna?

MIMORI: Let's duke it out!

(They fight each other KUNG FU STYLE.)

RYUHO: I'm going to sit here and get turned on. (He DOES.)

LOST GROUND SLUMS

POOR PEOPLE: We may be poor, but we're living a better life than you are, lazy bastards.

AKIRA: Not only do I share the name with a big-time anime movie, I look a lot like that creepy kid from the movie. HAIL KATSUHIRO OTOMO!

TATSUNAMI: SORRY TO INTERRUPT YOUR MOMENT OF PRE-PUBESCENT OTAKU BLISS, BUT IT'S NOW TIME TO SHOW YOU HOW BIG A LOSER I REALLY AM! (He shoots the SOCCER BALL, and it explodes into ROCK HARD CHUNKS.)

AKIRA: You suck! Prepare to face my M4D T3L3K1N3T1C SK1LLZ! Wait… I don't have any! Wrong anime!

TATSUNAMI: COME TO DADDY!

AKIRA: WAAAAAUUUUUGH! CHILD MOLESTER!

KAZUMA'S DILAPIDATED ESTATE

KANAMI: Get to work, Kazu-kun!

KAZUMA: Dammit. Why can't an ultra-sexy girl with glasses yell at me and bet me to a pulp? (He WORKS.)

Enter KUNIHIKO: Kazuma. I have a mission for you.

KAZUMA: Well, I have a mission for YOU: Screw yourself!

KUNIHIKO: It pays well, and the client's a hottie.

KAZUMA: I'm all for that!

DESTROYED LOST GROUND SLUMS

AYASE: Hi, I'm Ayase Terada and I'm your client. I have magic hair that liquefies stuff!

KAZUMA: DAYAMN! Great, now my loins are burning! I think I've seen you on a porn site before.

AYASE: …

KUNIHIKO: Why didn't she tell me that?

AYASE: (Change subject, quickly!) MY BROTHER'S BEEN KIDNAPPED BY HOLY! (The entire town was too.)

KAZUMA: I'll do it, cuz HOLY is t3h sux0r!

CLIFFS CONVENIENTLY LOCATED RIGHT NEXT TO CONCENTRATION CAMP AT NIGHT

KAZUMA: I swear I saw that woman on a site before, but I just can't put my finger in it.

AYASE: Oh, that's just wrong!

KAZUMA: Sorry, I meant put my finger ON it. (He drinks a POT OF COFFEE.)

AYASE: Aren't you worried about getting sleep?

KAZUMA goes into a COFFEE INDUCED FRENZY: SLEEP? WHONEEDSSLEEP? IDONTNEEDNOSLEEP!

WALL: EXPLODES!

PRISON

KUNIHIKO: None to worry, my peeps! I'm here to save your lives!

PRISONER: How the hell are you going to do that?

KUNIHIKO: J00 s33, 1 g0t dis p0ss3 up 1n th3r3 wh0 g0t m4d sk1llz!

PRISONER: 1'll buy th4t d0g!

ARMORED TRUCKS: EXPLODE!

EQUIPMENT: LIQUEFIES!

KAZUMA: Wegotskillz! Wegotskillz! Wegotskillz! Wegotskillz!

AYASE: I'm feeling you kid!

KAZUMA: I STILLcantrememberthatsiteshewason. Dammit! (He returns back to normal.)

PRISONERS: WE'RE ALL FREE!

TATSUNAMI: NOT SO FAST, BIATCHES!

KAZUMA: HOLY crap! It's Howard Dean!

TATSUNAMI: RRRRRRRAAAAAAAWWWWRRR! BIG MAGNUM, I CHOOSE YOU! (BIG MAGNUM magically appears.) YOU MAY HAVE THE PRISONERS, BUT I HAVE THE HOT CHICK!

AYASE: I'm being held hostage! Waaaaaaaaaaaahhhh! I don't want to be a sex slave!

TATSUNAMI: YA BETTER WATCH OUT, BITCHES! IT'S BIG, IT'S HARD, AND IT'S COMIN RIGHT FOR YA! IT'S GONNA RAM AND RAM, AND SPURT FORWARD! IT'S "BIG MAGNUM", OR AS I LIKE TO CALL IT, "WILLY"! (I'm a bisexual!)

KAZUMA: Oh, you're SO not going to penetrate me! I already had that problem before.

AYASE: This stream of sexual dialogue is starting to get obnoxious.

TATSUNAMI: SHUT-UP! YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO BE MY HOSTAGE!

KUNIHIKO: BANG!

TATSUNAMI: YEEEOWCH!

KAZUMA: KAPOW!

BIG MAGNUM: EXPLODES!

TATSUNAMI: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! NOW, HOW AM I GONNA GET LAID?

LATER

KAZUMA: Oh, yeah! I remember! Ayase didn't have a site! She was a Playboy bunny reject!

AYASE gives him a SATANIC GLARE: I may not have glasses, but I can sure kick your bony ass! (She punches him straight to the THERMOSPHERE.)

NEXT AY, AT KAZUMA'S DILAPIDATED ESTATE

KANAMI: Get to work, Kazu-kun!

KAZUMA: Dammit. Why can't an ultra-sexy girl with glasses yell at me and bet me to a pulp?

KANAMI: I may be a kid but… (She punches him straight to the EXOSPHERE.)

KAZUMA: NOT AGAAAAAAIN!

The End, Bee-yotches!

* * *

Next Time… s-CRYING-ed: In a Nutshell 

Episode 5: _Mimority Report_


	5. Mimority Report

Note: I do not own s-CRY-ed, or any other intellectual properties. They are all copyrights of their respectful owners. The rest, however, is MINE, BEE-YOTCHES!

Before I start this shebang off, I would like to thank everyone that read this fic. It's thanks to you all, that it's gotten more than five hundred hits and twenty-eight reviews. Of all my fics, this one was the most successful, and for that I thank you, the people. Now let's get the party started… AGAIN!

WARNING: Reading this load of crap will be detrimental to your IQ. Proceed at your own discretion.

It's PARODY TIME!

* * *

GYRAX Presents… s-CRYING-ed: In a Nutshell 

Episode 5: _Mimority Report_

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INTRO

MIMORI: Ha-Ha! I'm now the star of the show!

SCHERIS: WHAAAAAAT?

MIMORI: Yep! I am t3h k1ck4ss!

SCHERIS: Now, I REALLY hate you.

MIMORI: Feeling's mutual, condom top. (She drinks her TEA.)

SCHERIS: STOP CALLING ME THAT!

HOLY HQ

RYUHO: Our alter users may not have been damaged much physically, but psychological damage is irreversible.

SCHERIS: In Tatsunami's case, he's been severely damaged sexually. He'll never get laid again. Oh, and Mimori's going to the slums and stuff. Wait! Did you feel that? It's a total change of subject! Did you know that Dawson's Creek actress Meredith Monroe was in Steven Spielberg's "Minority Report"?

RYUHO: No, she wasn't. Now let's go.

SCHERIS: OK! (She HUGGLES him.) I love you, Ryuho!

RYUHO: I love you, too, now get the hell off me.

LATER

STRAIGHT: WellhellotheremissMINAKO! Iwouldliketotakemytimebygivingyoualoadofdoodoophilosophicalnonsensepertainingtoromancethatonlymasksuphowmuch I FRICKIN LOVE YOU!

MIMORI: Sorry, but I'm not in love with you, because, you knoooooow… YOU NEVER GOT MY (BLEEP) NAME RIGHT!

STRAIGHT: Don't be like that, MIMIRU.

Enter RYUHO: Mimori, we need to talk.

MIMORI HUGGLES HIM: I love you Ryuho!

RYUHO: Get the hell off me.

STRAIGHT: … OMGWTF!1!

KAZUMA'S DILAPIDATED ESTATE

KANAMI STUMBLES: Must go to work… must… Ow, my head! Is this a hangover? I mean, must… go… BLEEEEEEEEEEEEEEECH!

Enter KAZUMA: Kanami, are you all right…

KANAMI: BLEEEEEEEEEEEEEEECH!

(SILENCE fills the room.)

KAZUMA: Kanami …

KANAMI: BLEEEEEEEEEEEEEEECH!

(MORE SILENCE fills the room.)

KAZUMA: Ka…

KANAMI: BLEEEEEEEEEEEEEEECH!

(EVEN MORE SILENCE fills the room.)

KAZUMA: … Aw, hell! Go ahead and vomit!

KANAMI: BLEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEECH! Kazu-kun, I'm sick.

KAZUMA: Gee, no kidding! You need a doctor.

EVENING AT HOLY HQ

(SCHERIS was talking to three USELESS FEMALE CHARACTERS.)

SCHERIS: All you have to do is change the subject suddenly enough to catch him off guard. If that doesn't work, you can always huggle him.

USELESS FEMALE CHARACTERS: YOU ARE T3H G3N1US!1!

SCHERIS: I know.

USELESS FEMALE CHARACTERS spot RYUHO and MIMORI TOGETHER (so they aren't useless after all.): OOOOOOOOOOOH! RYUHO DUMPED YOOOOOOOOOOU!

SCHERIS: WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAT?

MIMORI: I hope you don't mind me borrowing him for the night! Thank you, I knew you would see thing my way! (Consider this payback for back at Episode III.)

SCHERIS: I'LL M---------ING KILL YOU BITCH!

(MIMORI and RYUHO LEAVE.)

SCHERIS: DAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAMN!

LATER

RYUHO: I'm now going to tell you not to be with the medical team because I'm a self-righteous bastard that likes to be Naru Narusegawa and beat around the bush, not admitting that I love you, but everything else I say literally screams it from the top of the Himalayas for everyone to hear.

MIMORI: Whateva! Whateva! I do what I want! (She gives him a RASPBERRY and shows how truly IMMATURE she really is.)

NEXT DAY

ZIGMARI: …and as a result, she's now with the medical team because she's a spoiled bitch! So, you have to escort her.

ASUKA: No worries, boss! I may have the BALLS to do it!

ZIGMARI: Umm… yeah.

DOCTOR'S OFFICE

KAZUMA: SHE HAS TESTICULAR CANCER? WHAT THE HELL? SHE DOESN'T EVEN HAVE TESTICULARS!

DOCTOR: Okay, so I made that up.

KAZUMA: WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAT?

KUNIHIKO: There's no need to fear, Kunihiko Kimishima is here!

KAZUMA: You still have a girl's name!

KUNIHIKO: SHUT-UP! I conveniently gained knowledge of where to find a cure! Follow me!

KAZUMA: HOORAY FOR WRITER'S CONVENIENCE!

DESERT

KAZUMA: I FOUND IT!

EXPLOSION: BLAMMO!

CONVOY: TOPPLES!

KAZUMA: Hey! You're that hot chick!

MIMORI: Shut-up and tell me what you want!

KAZUMA: I can't do both of those at once!

MIMORI: Just tell me what you want!

KAZUMA: My girl, Kanami, has a weird disease and she needs help.

MIMORI: Pedophile.

KAZUMA: I DON'T LOVE HER THAT WAY! (At least not yet.)

MIMORI: Before I start the procedure, was Meredith Monroe really in "Minority Report"?

KAZUMA: Actually, yeah.

MIMORI: HA! I KNEW IT! RYUHO WAS WROOOOOOOOOONG!

KAZUMA: HOLY never gets anything right.

MIMORI: HOORAY FOR HOLY BASHING!

ZOMBIFIED WORKERS: The fun stops here.

KAZUMA: Dammit! I hate Resident Evil! (Except the fourth one, but that's besides the point.)

FIST: KA-POW!

ZOMBIFIED WORKERS: GOT THEIR ASSES KICKED!

Enter ASUKA: Second Degree Criminal NP-32232332223233232 (Damn, that was tough!), I am Asuka Tachibana, and I will use my magic balls to capture you!

KAZUMA: Disturbing… Wait! YOU HAVE EIGHT OF THEM?

(ASUKA uses his MAGIC BALL to pummel KAZUMA.)

KAZUMA: UWAAAAGH! HE'S STONING ME TO DEATH!

ASUKA: BWA HA HA HA! I'M STONING HIM TO DEATH! If you should know, "Dawson's Creek" actress Meredith Monroe WASN'T in "Minority Report". It says so in the HOLY database, and that's holy and sacred!

KAZUMA: OH YEAH? (He punches him in the GROIN.)

ASUKA: Dammit!

KAZUMA: You may have more balls, but I have more testosterone, girly-man! And Meredith Monroe WAS in that movie; she played a minor role as a pre-crime public service announcer, DUMBASS!

ASUKA: No… WAY!

LATER

Enter ASUKA, who is holding his GROIN: Kazuma… kicked my ass… says Meredith Monroe… pre-crime public service announcer.

RYUHO: WHAAAAAAAT? He knows more movie trivia than I do? I shall mask my extreme jealousy by making a self-righteous speech that would make Anavel Gato cringe.

STRAIGHT: You know, you two would make a great Yaoi couple!

RYUHO: SHUT-UP! WE WOULD NOT! He's like, 900 years old!

LATER

KANAMI: I'm cured!

KAZUMA: I love you, Kanami!

KANAMI: Get the hell off me! I'm not old enough! (At least, not yet.)

The End, Bee-yotches!

* * *

Next Time… s-CRYING-ed: In a Nutshell 

Episode 6: _Zetsuei! I Choose You!_


	6. Zetsuei, I Choose You!

Note: I do not own s-CRY-ed, or any other intellectual properties. They are all copyrights of their respectful owners. The rest, however, is MINE, BEE-YOTCHES!

To Luciado- a pedophile is an adult who is sexually attracted to children. Disturbing, isn't it? Luckily, Kazuma isn't one.

WARNING: Reading this load of crap will be detrimental to your IQ. Proceed at your own discretion.

It's PARODY TIME!

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GYRAX Presents… s-CRYING-ed: In a Nutshell 

Episode 6: _Zetsuei! I Choose You_

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KAZUMA'S DILAPIDATED ESTATE

KUNIHIO: Check out my new ride, G! It's all p1mpin', and it got M4D HYDR4UL1X!

(His ride BOUNCES AROUND from the M4D HYDR4UL1X.)

KAZUMA: Ooh! P1mpin'! I wanna be ur bitch now, even though you spent all my money on it!

KANAMI: No need to fear, Kanami is here! I save up big time!

KAZUMA: DAYAMN! You saved up, big time! We're rich bitch!

KANAMI: Kazu-kun. You're such a loser.

KUNIHIKO: Kazuma, you're such a loser.

KAZUMA: What're you, a parrot?

KUNIHIKO: AAWK! Kazuma's a loser. AAWK! Kazuma's a loser. AAAAAWK!

DUDE: COLLAPSES!

KANAMI: Damn! I'm outta here! (She LEAVES.)

HOLY HQ

MIMORI: Don't you guys think that the way you're treating them is un-HOLY?

OLD HAG: First of all, that was the worst pun ever; second, you already used it; and third, these are BAD people.

MIMORI: Fine! Bite me, you ass-HOLYs!

OLD HAG: Well, that's a new one.

ZIGMARI: Now, here's more of me being boring.

(He puts the AUDIENCE to sleep.)

HOPSICLE, I MEAN HOSPITAL

CAMMY: Daaaaaaaaaaaamn! Someone made you his bitch, didn't he?

ASUKA: Yeah, he did.

CAMMY: You know what I do if a girl makes me her bitch? I M---------ING KILL HER! MUAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

ASUKA: You're a deeply psychotic and extremely disturbed woman, but you have a point. I WILL M---------ING KILL HIM! MUAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

LOST GROUNDS

RYUHO: Sssssshhhhhh. Be vewy, vewy quiet. I'm hunting Native Alters.

FLASHBACK

DUDE: Pokéballs… everywhere… evil Pokémon.

KAZUMA: That douche wants to make me his bitch again! Don't worry, dude. I'll give you a warrior's eulogy.

DUDE: I'm not dying. I just had my ass handed to me. No need to be melodramatic for Christ's sake.

KAZUMA: Whatever. I'm gonna kick some ass! Kick some ass! Kick-kick-kick-kick-kick some ass!

KUNIHIKO: And I'll assemble the greatest team of Native Alters, EV4R!

ABANDONED TRAIN AT NIGHT

(NATIVE ALTERS were hanging about. One guy belched while a kid lit another kid's fart. One guy was rubbing vigorously… on his Nintendo DS. Ha-ha!)

KAZUMA: Some crack team we got here.

AYASE: We were supposed to have some good fighters, but they were captured in their sleep, so we just have these guys.

KUNIHIKO: Now, on to the plan! First, we order five hundred pizzas and have them delivered to the CONVOY. When those HOLY bastards say "We didn't order this", we swoop in and we BEAT THE LIVING CRAP OUT OF THEM!

KAZUMA: I'm all for that!

Enter BIG UGLY GUY: Hey, remember me? I'm that dude from Episode 1!

KAZUMA: Hey everyone! Let's ignore him! (They DO.)

NEXT DAY

KAZUMA: Hey. Whatever happened to ordering the pizzas and stuff?

KUNIHIKO: Well, it turns out that the place I called closed down five years ago, so we're just fighting them head on.

KAZUMA: I'm all for that.

Enter RYUHO: Lo and behold, little ones, for it is I, Ryuho! PH34R M3!

KAZUMA eats a CARROT: Eh, what's up, doc?

RYUHO: Your ass will be, once I school you back to Kindergarten, stupid wabbit!

KAZUMA: Go to hell! (You make a terrible Elmer Fudd.) (They FIGHT.)

MEANWHILE

Enter SCHERIS: OHOHOHOHOHOHOHOHOHOHO! You puny Native Alters have fallen neatly into my trap!

AYASE: She laughs like a frickin' dominatrix! Her voice is God-awful, too!

SCHERIS: At least I'm not a Playboy Bunny reject!

AYASE: And at least I don't look like a giant dildo!

SCHERIS: SCREW YOU! I'll just let the GOON SQUAD take care of you insolent whelps, while I stand around doing nothing! OHOHOHOHOHOHOHOHOHOHO!

STRAIGHT: Damn! She DOES laugh like a dominatrix.

GOON SQUAD: We are the Sentai of HOLY, fighters of order and justice, in our own minds! (Everyone strikes SILLY POSES.)

NATIVE ALTERS: Oh, yeah! Well, PH34R our Alters, which are a giant toy robot, a UFO, a mushroom person, something from _Starship Troopers_, a unicorn, and what looks like a game of Tetris gone terribly awry!

GOON SQUAD: W3'R3 G0NN4 PWN J00!

NATIVE ALTERS: WAAAAAAARGH! THEY'RE PWNING US!

(The GOON SQUAD uses POKEBALLS to capture them.)

IN THE MEANTIME

RYUHO: Time for Zetsuei to evolve into… ZETSUEI! HA-HA! Foolish readers thought he was going to have a cool name like ZETSUSAIGA or something!

KAZUMA: Disappointment makes me angry!

RYUHO: I bet being owned makes you even angrier!

KAZUMA: Yeah, it does. (He gets his ass kicked.)

ASUKA: KISS THE BALLS, BITCH! (He uses his MAGIC BALLS to pummel KAZUMA.)

KAZUMA: UWAAAAGH! HE'S STONING ME TO DEATH!

ASUKA: Who's got more testosterone now, Girly-man?

KAZUMA: Go screw yourself!

(The ground collapses beneath them.)

KAZUMA: This is…

ASUKA: …not good.

(They both fall to THE ABYSS.)

RYUHO: BANJO! I MEAN, ASUKA!

SCHERIS: Don't worry. People come and go everyday. Birth and death rates show.

The End, Bee-yotches!

* * *

Next Time… s-CRYING-ed: In a Nutshell 

Episode 7: _Asuka Langley Sohryu (Whoops! Wrong anime.)_

KISS THE BALLS, BITCH!


	7. Asuka Langley Sohryu

Note: I do not own s-CRY-ed, or any other intellectual properties. They are all copyrights of their respectful owners. The rest, however, is MINE, BEE-YOTCHES!

All I can say is…WOW! This fic already has one 1115 hits and fifty-two reviews! DAYAMN! Thanks to everyone who made this possible. Now let's start the next party, shall we?

WARNING: Reading this load of crap will be detrimental to your IQ. Proceed at your own discretion.

It's PARODY TIME!

* * *

GYRAX Presents… s-CRYING-ed: In a Nutshell 

Episode 7: _Asuka Langley Sohryu (Whoops! Wrong anime.)_

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INTRO

ASUKA: I'm the star, now! Ph34r me! I'm the star, now!

SCHERIS: Hey, wait a m---------ing second, here! Even he gets his own episode! Where's my spotlight?

ASUKA: Wait until the end of the series ho-bag.

SCHERIS: THE HELL I WILL!

ASUKA: Anyway, I'm Asuka Tachibana, and this is my show! KISS THE BALLS, BITCH!

CAVE

KAZUMA: I HATE YOU! (He seriously kick's ASUKA'S ASS.)

ASUKA: OW! HEY! HEY! OW! OW! HOLD ON!

(KAZUMA stops.)

ASUKA: If we join forces and work together, we can conquer all things, and when I mean all conquer things I mean get the hell out of here. Remember that episode of the long forgotten sitcom "That's My Bush"?

KAZUMA: How could I remember it if it was long forgotten?

ASUKA: Damn! Good point. Let's just go. (He puts KAZUMA on a leash and drags him.)

KAZUMA: Let me go, dammit!

HOLY HQ

ZIGMARI: As you know, we just kicked out Asuka Tachibana. That way, we have no more members with sexually suggestive traits, except maybe Ryuho, who just wants to make people his bitch, but he's a special case, so he stays.

SCHERIS: Yay! Go Ryuho! (She CHEERS. She then does a PANTY FLASHING HIGH KICK.)

MIMORI: Heh-heh. Panty flash.

RYUHO: I want a fresh supply of Pokéballs by 1500 hours, or something.

ZIGMARI: Right-O.

(RYUHO leaves. SCHERIS cheers. She then does a PANTY FLASHING HIGH KICK.)

MIMORI: Heh-heh. Panty flash.

CAVE

(ASUKA and KAZUMA sit on the floor. ASUKA takes out a GREEN PROTEIN BAR. He EATS IT!)

KAZUMA: Feed me. Feed me! FEED ME!

ASUKA: All right! Damn! (He hands the GREEN PROTEIN BAR over to him.)

KAZUMA eats it: WHOO-WEE! This tastes like toxic waste! I'd rather eat my own crap than have another bite of this!

ASUKA: Go ahead and eat your own crap. That just means I won't have to scoop it up. (He drags KAZUMA by his LEASH.)

KAZUMA: Lemme go, dammit!

(They both enter an ABANDONED MALL.)

ASUKA: I wish I could go shopping.

KAZUMA: I wish you could let me the (BLEEP) go. OOH! Rotten tuna!

ASUKA: Sit, boy. (He pulls KAZUMA'S LEASH, causing him to fall on his FLAT ASS.) Why don't you join HOLY? The city's great. Join us. Join us. Join us. Join us. Join us. Join us. Join us. Join us.

KAZUMA: SHUT THE HELL UP! Tell you're friends that I like living the life of an animal! I walk along the Serengeti Plains, stalking my prey. Then…oh, wait. That was when I was high on liquid paper, watching Animal Planet.

ASUKA: You have issues. HOLY can help! Join us, today!

KAZUMA: What are you, a billboard? Am I gonna be driving through Detroit, looking at your stupid face, motioning your stupid hand at the stupid HOLY logo?

Enter BIG UGLY THING: RAAAAWR!

ASUKA: What now?

KAZUMA: We kick its ass. Kick its ass. Kick, kick, kick, kick, kick its ass.

ASUKA: Sit, boy. (He pulls KAZUMA'S LEASH, causing him to fall on his FLAT ASS.)

KAZUMA: WILL YOU CUT IT OUT, DAMMIT?

HOLY HQ

MIMORI: I'm heading to my new job!

RYUHO: I'm pretending to care. Now get the hell out of the way of me and my NEW GIRLFRIEND. (He walks with SCHERIS, both being all snuggly-snuggly.)

MIMORI: RYU-WHORE!

SCHERIS: You're going to take that?

RYUHO: Basically, I AM a whore, except I screw up my own relationships free of charge! Ha-ha!

ABANDONED MALL

BIG UGLY THING: RAAAAWR!

ASUKA: I say we take care of this with a well-formulated plan.

KAZUMA: Of course you do, but I say we just use muscle.

ASUKA: Plan!

KAZUMA: Muscle!

ASUKA: Plan!

KAZUMA: Muscle!

ASUKA: Plan!

KAZUMA: Muscle!

ASUKA: PLAN!

KAZUMA: MUSCLE!

ASUKA: You know; I'm starting to have a strange attraction towards you.

KAZUMA: Glad you saw things my way. Let's kick its ass! (They DO.)

BIG UGLY THING: RAAAAWR! I'M DEFEATED! (A BROWN FURRY THING appears.)

ASUKA: Hey, it's a BROWN FURRY THING! I'm taking it!

KAZUMA: Wait! This is supposed to be a symbol of man invading nature's space, and you assHOLYs invading our space is supposed to be a microcosm. (Or macrocosm, I don't know, and now I just lost my train of thought and I don't have a (bleep)ing clue what I'm talking about anymore.)

ASUKA: Umm…I found a way out.

KAZUMA: Cool! I'm outta here! (He breaks from his LEASH.)

LATER IN THE LOST GROUND

ASUKA: We still have a score to settle.

KAZUMA: That's right. (He kicks his ASS.)

ASUKA: Now, it's time for an Evangelion-esque monologue!

(AUDIENCE goes on a BATHROOM BREAK.)

ASUKA crashes: Oww! I'm defeated!

KAZUMA: And for the record, the name's Kazuma! I'm t3h m1c-r00l4h! T3h 0ld-sch00l4h! J00 w4nt a tr1p? 1'll br1ng 1t t0 y4!

ASUKA: Your l33t is improving?

KAZUMA: Yep. Soon it'll be so incomprehensible, that I'll finally make Ryuho MY bitch! I am Kazuma, and I will be The One! (He LEAVES.)

ASUKA: Time to delve into another speech!

(The AUDIENCE goes on another BATHROOM BREAK.)

ZIGMARI: Like magic balls around a bishie Alter User with issues, these are the days of our lives.

The End, Bee-yotches!

* * *

Next Time… s-CRYING-ed: In a Nutshell 

Episode 8: _M4d Sk1llz0r!_


	8. M4d Sk1llz0r!

Note: I do not own s-CRY-ed, or any other intellectual properties. They are all copyrights of their respectful owners. The rest, however, is MINE, BEE-YOTCHES!

Right now, this story is on the favorites list for ten people, and on the alert list for ten. This fic is kicking ass!

WARNING: Reading this load of crap will be detrimental to your IQ. Proceed at your own discretion.

It's PARODY TIME!

* * *

GYRAX Presents… s-CRYING-ed: In a Nutshell 

Episode 8: _M4d Sk1llz0r!_

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CITY

KAZUMA: It's Showtime. Time to play my infamous ass-kissing act!

HOLY HQ

KAZUMA: Hi guys! Name's Kazuma and I wanna join!

SCHERIS: We can all see right through your act.

KAZUMA: And I can see right through your skirt!

SCHERIS: The hell!

ZIGMARI: Well, if he wants to join us, then why the hell not? I can see much potential in this guy.

KAZUMA: D00d, you're creeping me out.

LATER

RYUHO: I'm a bit suspicious about him.

ZIGMARI: None to worry. We'll win him over…WITH THE POWER OF FANFICTION! MWAHAHAHAHAHA!

RYUHO: D00d, you're creeping me out.

CAFETERIA

KAZUMA: All of the sudden I feel compelled to do stuff that normally I wouldn't do!

STRAIGHT: Good for you, KAZUYA

KAZUMA: It's KAZUMA!

STRAIGHT: Whatever, KATHY. I'll just deliberately get your name wrong to piss you off.

MIMORI: Hi! Remember I'm that hot scientist girl you met earlier.

KAZUMA: You like me, don't you?

MIMORI looks at STRAIGHT: Yeah, something like that.

KAZUMA: Cool! Let's go! (They LEAVE.)

STRAIGHT goes all TEARY: I SWEAR TO GOD, SHE DOES THAT ON PURPOSE!

RYUHO: DAYAMN!

ROAD

MIMORI: The Lost Ground is a great place to have a vacation, though its name is quite ominous.

KAZUMA: You bored me to the max, but you have a point.

RESTAURANT

(SCHERIS and RYUHO observe as KAZUMA eats like a VORACIOUS HYENA, while MIMORI watches.)

SCHERIS: We're sitting together, so that means we're on a date! MASSIVE WOOTAGE!

RYUHO: DAYAMN! Look at the d00d eat!

(At an AMUSEMENT PARK, KAZUMA and MIMORI are having fun, riding rides, and eating cotton candy, Blah-Blah-Blah-Blah-Blah, JUST GET ON WITH THE DAMN STORY!)

HOTEL AT NIGHT

_UNKEI: This is where I make my big appearance on screen! I'm Unkei, and I'm the greatest fanfiction writer in the history of mankind! Ph34r my M4d Sk1llz0r as I makes this fic go any way I want! Now, Kazuma and Mimori recite another Aqua Teen Hunger Force reference!_

KAZUMA: You take a bunch of tacos, smash them with a hammer, and put crackers on top. That called "Taco Pie".

MIMORI: You know how to make Taco Pie?

_UNKEI: See what I mean?_

NEXT DAY

KAZUMA: I'm a member of HOLY!

SCHERIS: Not unless you take the entrance exams!

_UNKEI: I'm also a fan of "Love Hina"!_

KAZUMA: This computer's telling me I'm a kindergartener!

SCHERIS: If that computer's telling me you're a kindergartener then you're a kindergartener.

GYM

KAZUMA: That load of giga-crap better be lucky I was able to pass the entrance exams, or it would've had a stick of RAM up its cybernetic ass!

RYUHO: I challenge you to a duel!

KAZUMA: Ok.

ARENA

(KAZUMA kicks RYUHO's miserable ass to Jerusalem and back.)

RYUHO: Ok, so you kicked my ass. Let's be friends now! (He LATCHES on to him.)

KAZUMA: WHAT THE HELL!

_UNKEI: SURPRISE! This is actually a KazuxRyu Yaoi fanfiction, and the greatest one yet! Fangirls will read it and be amazed, and then they'll bow down to me! Then, I'll…_

KAZUMA: Keep those stupid fantasies to yourself, you SICK LITTLE MONKEY! (He kicks his ass.) If there's anything that bothers me like bad itch, it's communities of rabid fans who are mad that I don't do everything they want me to do, so they make up rumors, gossip endlessly, and come up with stories about me!

UNKEI: And I shall continue the fickleness, with my new fanfic about…WHEN YOU'RE FRIENDS ARE SHIPPED TO THE MAINLAND!

KAZUMA: WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAT!

RYUHO is still latched on to him: Well, this is quite an embarrassing scenario I just happened to be in…

KAZUMA: GET THE HELL OFF OF ME!

AIRPORT

KAZUMA: CRAP! I'M TOO LATE! WHYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!

SEAN CONNERY: I just made a doody in my pants.

The End, Bee-yotches!

* * *

Next Time… s-CRYING-ed: In a Nutshell 

Episode 9: _She Sells Seashells by the Seashore._


	9. She Sells Seashells by the Seashore

Note: I do not own s-CRY-ed, or any other intellectual properties. They are all copyrights of their respectful owners. The rest, however, is MINE, BEE-YOTCHES!

In case you people didn't notice already, I don't take this fic too seriously. Another thing is that I update every Thursday, so it's become a weekly thing.

WARNING: Reading this load of crap will be detrimental to your IQ. Proceed at your own discretion.

It's PARODY TIME!

* * *

GYRAX Presents… 

s-CRYING-ed: In a Nutshell

Episode 9: _She Sells Seashells by the Seashore._

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WHAT'S-HIS-NAME: Well, hello there, Miss Kiryu. DAMN! YOU'RE HOT! Sorry, that one kind of escaped.

MIMORI: That's ok. I just came to talk about Ryuho, anyway.

WHAT'S-HIS-NAME: He's a bug, isn't he? What, did he dump you for a condom-headed frilly girl whose only purpose is fan service, but her personality lulls guys like him over to her?

MIMORI: DAYAMN! How did you know?

WHAT'S-HIS-NAME: 73H F0UR7H W4LL! I read this fic all the time.

MIMORI: Then, you have issues.

CLIFFS

KUNIHIKO: WAAAAAAAAAAAAH! No matter what we do, HOLY keeps pwn1ng us! WAAAAAAAAAAH!

KAZUMA: Allow me to put some sense into you. How about I demonstrate to you how I kick someone's ass? (He kicks his ass.)

KUNIHIKO: I see things more clearly now!

HOLY HQ

SCHERIS: ALL BEHOLD MY YU-GI-OH DECK! I AM A NERD, JUST LIKE YOU!

MIMORI: Whatever, condom-top.

SCHERIS: STOP CALLING ME THAT!

RYUHO: Pack up your gear. We're going Native Alter hunting. Also, a new cast of freaks is joining us.

EMERGY: Including me!

RYUHO: Including him. Don't call him that certain three-letter word, or he'll go nuts. Actually, I don't know, but I know there are sensitive people out there, so I won't try anything.

SCHERIS: When you mean "that three-letter word", you mean "gay", right?

(RYUHO slaps his forehead.)

KAZUMA'S DILAPIDATED ESTATE

COW: MOO! PAY ATTENTION TO ME, DAMMIT!

(KAZUMA stands there, watching KANAMI. A moment of CHEESY TOUGH BISHOUNEN SILENCE ensues.)

KAZUMA: What to do. What to do.

HOLY HQ AT NIGHT

MIMORI: I sense a disturbance in the force. He hath come.

RYUHO: Yes. I hath come.

MIMORI: What for?

RYUHO: Do you like Kazuma?

MIMORI thinks of the POSSIBILITIES: Why, yes I do.

RYUHO: Cut the crap, or I'll have to ignore you again.

MIMORI: Why do you have to be such a meanie?

RYUHO: I doth not see myself in such a manner. (He LEAVES.)

MIMORI take some time for INTROSPECTION: I feel those assHOLYs are up to something.

KAZUMA'S DILAPIDATED ESTATE

KANAMI: I can't believe he has the balls to fool me with a bunch of pillows! I'm so pissed off I could break a window! (She DOES.) Oops.

CLIFFS

KAZUMA: I'm going to trek across the ENCHANTED ALTER FOREST! See ya later!

KUNIHIKO: Have fun killing yourself!

ENCHANTED ALTER FOREST

KAZUMA: DAMMIT! Why don't you let me through?

ALTER ANIMALS: Do you look like Snow White?

KAZUMA: WHAT?

ALTER ANIMALS: Snow White is a hot piece of ass. Why do you think us animals like to hang around her?

KAZUMA: O…k? (He FORCES himself through.)

HOLY HQ

MIMORI: I knew it! Those assHOLYs are up to something.

STRAIGHT: Wassap, MINAMO?

MIMORI: I'm uncovering a conspiracy. Leave me alone.

STRAIGHT: I can help you with that.

MIMORI: I was afraid of that.

LOST GROUND DESERT AREA

EMERGY: Aren't you going to kick my ass, Mr. Native Alter? (He gets his ass kicked.)

RYUHO: I've had enough already. I'm just going to make them all my bitches.

NATIVE ALTERS: WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARGH! WE'RE ALL HIS BITCHES!

ENCHANTED ALTER FOREST

KAZUMA: I made it! Ooh, pretty water bubbles.

STRANGE ALTER: Thank you. I doth blew them myself. I hath took some lessons from Spongebob. Now that you hath trespassed upon me, I shalt kick thy ass!

KAZUMA: WAAAARGH! HE DOTH KICKED MY ASS! (He sees a DEAD BEAR next to him.) What the hell? NOOOOOOOOOO! YOGI'S DEAD! I USED TO WATCH YOU WHEN I WAS A KID! DAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAMN!

STRANGE ALTER: Now that thou hath trespassed upon me, I shalt kick thy ass! (He DOES.)

KAZUMA: Oh yeah? How would you like it when I pull out your backbone? (He DOES.)

STRANGE ALTER: Surprise!

KAZUMA: OMGWTF! (He undergoes a painful transformation, and becomes a hell of a lot cooler.) KICKASS! I'M LIKE A SUPER SAIYAN, BUT BETTER!

STRANGE ALTER: I shalt still kick thy ass.

KAZUMA: Who cares right now? I'M T3H R0X0R!

LATER THAT EVENING

KUNIHIKO: Well, you're still alive!

KAZUMA: Yep! I am 4w3s0m3!

The End, Bee-yotches!

* * *

Next Time… s-CRYING-ed: In a Nutshell 

Episode 10: _Remember to Wear Green on St. Patrick's Day!_


	10. Wear Green on St Patrick’s Day!

Note: I do not own s-CRY-ed, or any other intellectual properties. They are all copyrights of their respectful owners. The rest, however, is MINE, BEE-YOTCHES!

WARNING: Reading this load of crap will be detrimental to your IQ. Proceed at your own discretion.

It's PARODY TIME!

* * *

GYRAX Presents… s-CRYING-ed: In a Nutshell 

Episode 10: _Remember to Wear Green on St. Patrick's Day!_

_

* * *

_  
FIELDS

KANAMI: Hi, Kazu-kun. Want to play with Mimi?

KAZUMA: Sure.

MIMI: REEEEEEEEEEEOW!

KAZUMA: WAAAUGH! EVIL KITTY! GET AWAY FROM ME!

LOST GROUND SLUMS

RYUHO: Tell me where Native Alters are, or I'll have to make all of you my bitches!

SCHERIS: Umm…maybe you shouldn't say things like that in public.

RYUHO: WHAT? You dare question my "I-will-make-everyone-my-bitchery"?

SCHERIS: …

KAZUMA'S DILAPIDATED ESTATE

KAZUMA: Come on, Kimishima. We're HOLY bashing!

KUNIHIKO: SEET! KICKASS! The hunter shall be the hunted! MWAHAHA!

KAZUMA: Right. (And here I thought I was the overzealous one.)

DILAPIDATED SCHOOL

EMERGY: Hey there, KAZUMA!

KAZUMA: FIGHT ME, BECAUSE I'M SOUR AND BELLIGERENT!

EMERGY: What did I ever do to you?

KAZUMA: You joined HOLY bitch! You're automatically a douche bag!

EMERGY: Well, that's just wrong.

CONVOY

RYUHO: Kazuma…

SCHERIS: Whaddya thinking about?

RYUHO: Kazuma must be my bitch!

SCHERIS: I smell Yaoi!

RYHUO: Alright, Condom Top, COME OVER HERE!

SCHERIS: WAAAAAAAAAAARGH!

CRAPPY BRIDGE

EMERGY: You're being judgmental towards HOLY members, so let me clear this out. You might wash your body…

KAZUMA: What does bathing have to do with judging people?

EMERGY: I'm just saying you might wash yourself from head to toe, but your friend might wash himself from toe to head. I, on the other hand start at my "how-do-ya-do".

KAZUMA: What's a "how-do-ya-do"?

EMERGY: What? You're not familiar with replacing genital expressions with nice greetings?

KAZUMA: You're sick! JUST FIGHT ME! (He kicks his ass.)

EMERGY: STOP! Unless you want the poor kids to go BLAMMO!

KAZUMA: J00 3v1l!

EMERGY: Yeah, I am.

HOLY HQ

ZIGMARL: Here's more of me being boring.

(AUDIENCE goes off to SNORINGLAND again.)

MIMORI (wakes up.): Huh? Oh yeah. I need to talk to you.

ZIGMARL: Great. She thinks she's my wife.

LOST GROUND

EMERGY: I am Emergy Maxfell, a man who can overcome anything!

KAZUMA: Who cares? You're gonna die at the end of this episode, anyway.

EMERGY: Oh, you suck.

KAZUMA: Here, let me speed it up by hanging you off this cliff here. (He DOES.)

EMERGY: SUPER PINCH CRUSER! COME TO ME! (It DOES.)

SUPER PINCH CRUSHER: PH34R M3! 1'M 4 B1G-4SS MUTH4!

KAZUMA: GUNDAM RIP-OFF!

EMERGY: That isn't it.

KAZUMA: VOLTRON RIP-OFF!

EMERGY: Still no.

KAZUMA: GEKIGENGAR RIP-OFF!

EMERGY: There you go.

KAZUMA: INUYASHA RIP-OFF!

EMERGY: Huh?

KAZUMA: LOVE HINA RIP-OFF!

EMERGY: Okay. You're just being obnoxious. Super Pinch Crusher. Kick his ass.

SUPER PINCH CRUSHER: 1'M 4 B1G-4SS MUTH4! (He kicks KAZUMA'S miserable ass to Cleveland and back.)

KAZUMA: That's it! I'm gonna put a new hole in your ass, bitch! SUPER SAIYAN…I mean…SHINE BRIGHTER. (KAZUMA makes an UBER COOL COMEBACK."

SUPER PINCH CRUSHER: DEFEATED!

KAZUMA: Moral of this episode. Do things yourself, YOU LAZY FART-SMELLING BASTARD!

EMERGY: FELL OFF A CLIFF!

KUNIHIKO: YAY! The evil dude is defeated!

HOLY HQ

MIMORI: Oooooooooooooooh! I'm gonna get you in troubllllllllllllle! You're screwed over pal!

ZIGMARL: SILENCE FOOL! I AM HOLY! I AM SACRED! I AM GOD!

MIMORI: And they say I have an ego problem.

ZIGMARL: SEIZE THE BITCH!

MIMORI: SEIZED!

ZIGMARL: THOU SHALT FEEL MY JUDGMENT!

The End, Bee-yotches!

* * *

Next Time… s-CRYING-ed: In a Nutshell 

Episode 11: _Ctrl Alt Delete, The Obligatory Clip Show Episode_ or _The Best of s-CRYING-ed._


	11. Ctrl Alt Delete

Note: I do not own s-CRY-ed, or any other intellectual properties. They are all copyrights of their respectful owners. The rest, however, is MINE, BEE-YOTCHES!

WARNING: Reading this load of crap will be detrimental to your IQ. Proceed at your own discretion.

It's PARODY TIME!

* * *

GYRAX Presents… s-CRYING-ed: In a Nutshell 

Episode 11: _Ctrl Alt Delete: The Obligatory Clip Show Episode_ or _The Best of s-CRYING-ed_

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* * *

_  
PRISON CELL

MIMORI: Dearest Diary, I have been locked away in a cell deep within HQ, forced to do a clip show. Luckily, I'm alone, so I don't have to worry about being someone's prison bitch. So, anyway, once upon a time, a chunk of land mysteriously teleported itself from Japan to a location right next to Japan. This land is The Lost Ground.

(MIMORI continues her babbling, putting the AUDIENCE to sleep.)

MIMORI: HEY! I'M TRYING TO TELL A STORY HERE!

AUDIENCE: Well, you're boring us!

MIMORI: Fine! I'll reminisce on Ryuho if that's what you want!

FANGIRLS: SURRENDER HIM TO US, NOW!

MIMORI: SCREW YOU, BITCHES! Anyway, where was I? Oh yeah. (Her voice ECHOES, and a FLASHBACK occurs.)

_YOUNG MIMORI: Hi, I'm Mimori Kiryu, girl genius!_

_YOUNG RYUHO: Hi, I'm Ryuho, and I'm an Alter User!_

_YOUNG MIMORI: OH, MY GOD! Let's make out!_

_YOUNG RYUHO: Whatever, but don't come to my house, or I'll hurt you._

_YOUNG MIMORI: You have an issue with abusive relationships or something?_

_YOUNG RYUHO: Umm…Yeah._

_YOUNG MIMORI: Okay, but I'm coming over, anyway! Boy, for a girl genius, I just can't take in the concept of abusive relationships!_

MIMORI: I used to love you, Ryuho! Why did you have to be a Ryu-WHORE? (ANOTHER FLASHBACK occurs.)

_RYUHO: I'm now going to tell you not to be with the medical team because I'm a self-righteous bastard that likes to be Naru Narusegawa and beat around the bush, not admitting that I love you, but everything else I say literally screams it from the top of the Himalayas for everyone to hear._

_MIMORI: Whateva! Whateva! I do what I want! (She gives him a RASPBERRY and shows how truly IMMATURE she really is.)_

MIMORI: Dearest Diary, I want to do something about the mistreatment of them Native Alters, but those ass-HOLYs won't listen to me. I HATE THEM ALL! HOLY SH4LL F33L MY L337 PUN1SHM3N7! Oh, my diary disintegrated.

ILYON: BOO!

MIMORI: WAAAAAAAH! That was totally random and incoherent.

ILYON: S3z j00! (He DISAPPEARS.)

MIMORI: I think I am going to cry! (She DOES.) WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

HOLY HQ

ZIGMARL: Kazuma. I WANT YOU, DAMMIT!

FANGIRLS: EEEEEWWWWWWWWWWW! THAT'S GROSS!

ZIGMARL: Just so you know, not all gay couples are bishounen. WAIT! WHAT THE HELL AM I TALKING ABOUT! I AIN'T GAY!

PRISON CELL

WALL: BLAMMO

MIMORI: WAAAAAAARGH!

STRAIGHT: I am your savior! I have come back in glory to judge the living and the dead, or I'm just her to rescue your sorry ass.

MIMORI: I'll just go with the latter. You see, I did some things in my life, fantasizing about Ryuho actually listening to me.

STRAIGHT: Ha! Forget that! We're bustin dis joint!

KAZUMA'S DILAPIDATED ESTATE

KANAMI: Dream, Dream, Dream, Dream…

CLIP SHOW MONTAGE BEGINS

RYUHO: Your attempts to berate me are amusing, little one! I am Ryuho! I am the one! I am the Matrix! WHOOSH!

_(AUDIENCE is captivated by his bullet time skillz.)_

_RYUHO: And I shall make you my bitch!_

_KAZUMA: I don't like the sound of that._

_RYUHO: ZETSUEI, I choose you!_

_(ZETSUEI magically appears.)_

_KAZUMA: That thing looks like Ringo Starr in a straight jacket!_

_RYUHO: ZETSUEI! EVIL STREAMER ATTACK!_

_(ZETSUEI uses its EVIL STREAMERS to sissy-slap the living daylights out of KAZUMA.)_

KAZUMA: WAAAAAAARGH! I'M HIS BITCH! 

RYUHO: PH34R T3H P30PL3S 3LB0W! (He elbow drives KAZUMA.) CAN YOU SMEEEEEELLLLLLLLL WHAT THE ROCK IS COOKIIIIIING!

_RYUHO: Second Degree Criminal NP-I'm-Not-Even-Gonna-Bother._

_KAZUMA: The name's Kazuma, dork! (He punches RYUHO in the face.)_

_RYUHO: Time for Zetsuei to evolve into… ZETSUEI! HA-HA! Foolish readers thought he was going to have a cool name like ZETSUSAIGA or something!_

_KAZUMA: Disappointment makes me angry!_

_RYUHO: I bet being owned makes you even angrier!_

_KAZUMA: Yeah, it does. (He gets his ass kicked.)_

RYUHO: I MUST MAKE KAZUMA MY BITCH! 

CONVOY

SCHERIS: Wakey, wakey, sleepyhead! So, what have you been dreaming about?

RYUHO: Kazuma…

SCHERIS turns her HEAD AWAY: Eww…

FIELDS

KAZUMA: I smell another clip show montage

KUNIHIKO: No! No! Wait a sec…

_STRANGE ALTER: Now that thou hath trespassed upon me, I shalt kick thy ass! (He DOES.)_

_KAZUMA: Oh yeah? How would you like it when I pull out your backbone? (He DOES.)_

_STRANGE ALTER: Surprise!_

_KAZUMA: OMGWTF! (He undergoes a painful transformation, and becomes a hell of a lot cooler.) KICKASS! I'M LIKE A SUPER SAIYAN, BUT BETTER!_

_STRANGE ALTER: I shalt still kick thy ass._

KAZUMA: Who cares right now? I'M T3H R0X0R! 

KUNIHIOK: I hate this episode already.

AIRPORT

STRAIGHT: Good luck being bum, MARUCHAN, and nice rack, by the way.

MIMORI: Sop looking at my boobies, you zany pervert! (She socks him straight into ORBIT.) This trip has been so MEANINGLESS! I didn't accomplish a thing! THIS WAS T3H STUP1D!

FARM

KANAMI: Oh…crap! (She gets BLASTED.)

DESERT

KAZUMA: I'm gonna let that HOLY convoy pass by in a futile attempt to suppress my violent personality.

KUNIHIOK: That's good and all, but our farm has just been blown to smithereens.

KAZUMA: I'LL (BLEEP)ING KILL THOSE (BLEEP)ING DOG (BLEEP)! GODDAMN (BLEEP)ING (BLEEP)!

KUNIHIKO: That didn't last long.

The End, Bee-yotches!

* * *

Next Time… s-CRYING-ed: In a Nutshell 

Episode 12: _Kunihiko: Is That a Girl's Name?_


	12. Kunihiko: Is That a Girl’s Name?

Note: I do not own s-CRY-ed, or any other intellectual properties. They are all copyrights of their respectful owners. The rest, however, is MINE, BEE-YOTCHES!

WARNING: Reading this load of crap will be detrimental to your IQ. Proceed at your own discretion.

It's PARODY TIME!

* * *

GYRAX Presents… s-CRYING-ed: In a Nutshell 

Episode 12: _Kunihiko: Is That a Girl's Name?_

_

* * *

_  
KAZUMA: Someone's gonna feel sorry they ever crossed to our turf. I'll bust a cap on someone's candy ass!

MUTE DUDES: That'd be us, foo!

KAZUMA: Aren't you guys supposed to be mute?

MUTE DUDES: Oh, sorry.

KAZUMA kicks their asses.

KAZUMA: Eat fist, bitches!

MUTE DUDES: HA! PH34R OUR MAD VAPORIZING SK1LLZ0R!

KAZUMA: YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO BE MUTE, DAMMIT!

MUTE DUDES: Sorry. Mind if we kick your ass. Ok, thank you. They DO.

CONVOY

RYUHO: Kazuma…I must make you my…

SCHERIS: Bitch?

RYUHO: Yes, my bitch…HOW THE HELL DID YOU KNOW WHAT I WAS GONNA SAY?

SCHERIS: Helloooooooooooo? You kept saying it over and over. You're getting redundant, here.

RYUHO: SCREW YOU! I'm going to get him, NOW!

SCHERIS: What about the poor people?

RYUHO leaves.

SCHERIS: Damn! It aint' even halfway through the series and he's already a Yaoi-istic bastard.

EMERGY: GO, GO POWER RANGERS!

SCHERIS: I thought you were dead, dude.

KAZUMA'S DILAPIDATED ESTATE

KIMISHIMA: Yo, KANAMI! Why you hiding?

KANAMI: I think those assHOLYs are already here!

KIMISHIMA: That's just a load of bull…CRAP! They ARE here!

FIELDS

KAZUMA: Now, it's time for me to exit, stage I-don't-give-a-damn-right-now! He LEAVES. MUTE DUDES follow.

MUTE DUDES: It's Boom-Boom time!

KAZUMA: YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO BE FRIGGIN MUTE! (Boom-Boom time? What?)

EXPLOSION: BLAMMO!

MEANWHILE

POOR PEOPLE: Oooooooooooooooh! Look at the pretty explosions!

HOLY HQ

ZIGMARL: And look at me being boring again.

STRAIGHT: Actually, I'm going to leave this dump.

The AUDIENCE can't leave, so they forced themselves to take SLEEP PILLS.

DESTROYED CITY

MIMORI: Wasn't I supposed to take a plane? What the hell am I doing here?

MUGGERS: We're gonna mug you. So stand still, and enjoy the pain.

MIMORI: WAAAAAAAAAAAAAGH!

MUGGERS are suddenly zombified: On second thought, we're gonna leave you alone.

MIMORI: Great. Muggers don't even want my money. Am I that unattractive? Is it my destiny to hook up with that Shotaro Ishinomori reject? WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!

ASUKA: I jus wanted to help out.

MIMORI: MY HERO

ASUKA: WAAAAAAAAARGH!

MEANWHILE

ILYON: I got you right where I want you, my little piggy!

SOMEWHERE ELSE

KIMISHIMA: We're screwed.

KANAMI: That we are.

ASUKA'S LOVELY SUITE

ASUKA: Hi, I'm Asuka Tachibana.

MIMORI: And I'm Mimori Kiryu. Let's be friends!

ASUKA: Yeah…just friends.

MIMORI: Look! The media's portraying the hero as a bad guy! I never liked the media.

ELSEWHERE

KIMISHIMA: Me, either. Wait. How was I able to talk to her?

CONVOY

SCHERIS: Wouldn't it be cool if we were really able to talk telepathically to people?

RYUHO: This is making less and less sense. AREN'T WE SUPPOSED TO BE TALKING ABOUT KAZUMA?

SCHERIS; Yaoi-istic bastard…She GRIMACES.

HOLY HQ

ZIGMARL: I smell conspiracy.

AUDIENCE: I smell boredom. They take more SLEEPING PILLS.

IN SOME OTHER PLACE

KIMISHIMA: Time for some HOLY bashing bitches! He CHOKE HOLDS a HOLY OFFICER. Come one, come all! I'm going to make a dramatic speech on how great Kazuma is! And you shall all be moved to tears!

POOR PEOPLE: WE ARE ALL MOVED TO TEARS!

OFFICERS: We ain't!

POOR PEOPLE: Then, we should KICK YOUR ASSES! They DO.

KIMISHIMA: We're escaping!

ASUKA'S OH-SO-LOVELY SUITE

MIMORI: I gotta go, too.

ASUKA: Do we have a telepathic connection with people or something?

MIMORI: don't know, but if we did, it would be the coolest thing in the WORLD!

ASUKA: Yeah it would.

DESTROYED CITY

KIMISHIMA: Gotta drop you off here, Kanami! He DOES. He looks back to see OFFICERS after him. DON'T SHOOT MY CAR! GOTTA GET OUTTA HERE!

KANAMI: DON'T DIE ON ME, KIMISHIMA!

KIMISIMA: I'm sure I won't!

HOLY HQ

ZIGMARL: Me being boring again.

AUDIENCE tries not to take more sleeping pills, because they're afraid they'd drug themselves. They fall asleep, anyway.

IN THE MEANTIME

KAZUMA: Dammit! Where's Kimishima?

KIMISHIMA: I'm here! Now, I have a plan. Make those Mute Douches vaporize, then use your SSJ powers to blow the vapors, and I'll find the guy controlling them. These guys are just alters, after all.

KAZUMA: You ain't making sense, dude.

KIMISHIMA: JUST FOLLOW ME, DAMMIT!

The MUTE DUDES vaporize. Then, KAZUMA uses his COOL SSJ POWERS to blow the vapor away. KIMISHIMA points his GUN at ONE MUTE DUDE.

KIMISHIMA: FOUND YOU, BITCH! Stand there as I make a corny speech about how great a team we are!

ILYON: Bastards.

KAZUMA: And I'm going to kick these mute dudes' asses, even though they're just the alter, because I'm a dumbass, only when I want to be! He DOES.

KIMISHIMA: YAY! WE WIN! NOW GIMME A PIGGYBACK RIDE!

KAZUMA: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! He gives him one, whether he wanted to or not.

DESTROYED CITY BLOCK AT NIGHT

KAZUMA: I'm back!

KANAMI: OH, MY GOD! THEY KILLED KIMISHIMA!

KAZUMA: YOU BASTARDS!

The End, Bee-yotches!

* * *

Next Time… s-CRYING-ed: In a Nutshell 

Episode 13: _Lost at the Halfway Point_ or_ Some Big-ass Battle_


	13. Lost at the Halfway Point

Note: I do not own s-CRY-ed, or any other intellectual properties. They are all copyrights of their respectful owners. The rest, however, is MINE, BEE-YOTCHES!

WARNING: Reading this load of crap will be detrimental to your IQ. Proceed at your own discretion.

It's PARODY TIME!

* * *

GYRAX Presents… 

s-CRYING-ed: In a Nutshell

Episode 13: _Lost at the Halfway Point_ or_ Some Big-ass Battle_

_

* * *

_  
INTRO

EXPLOSION: BLAMMO!

KAZUMA: RRRRRRRRRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAWGH! HULK SMASH EVERYOOOOOOOOOOOOONE!

HOLY HQ

The 3 cloaked women sit around talking. They wear cloaks because they probably don't like their figure. Such is the sad story of every woman. -.-;

BLUE CLOAK: He's one badass mutha…

OTHER TWO: Shut your mouth!

BLUE CLOAK: I'm only talking about Kazuma.

OTHER TWO: We can dig it.

ZIGMARL: Here's more of me being boring.

GROUND ZERO

SCHERIS: All hail my terrible voice acting! Hear how screwy and half-assed my voice sounds!

URIZANE: Who do you think did this?

RYUHO: That's a dumb question!

URIZANE: You're not going Yaoi-istic on us, are you?

RYUHO: I AM NOT YAOI-ISTIC! By the way, Mutsumi will so sic her killer turtle armada on you if she catches you eating her watermelons, again.

URIZANE: HOLY SH…

KAZUMA'S DILAPIDATED ESTATE

KAZUMA: Don't worry. I'm not going to go on an all out smashing vengeance pretending I'm the hulk while I'm destroying everything in sight while trying to take every single one of those assHOLYs.

KANAMI; Riiiiiiiiiiiiiiight. And you haven't done that already? AND WHY THE HELL DIDN'T YOU TELL ME YOU WERE AN ALTER USER!

KAZUMA: Like I knew how to break it to you without throwing you into a mental breakdown.

KANAMI: I'm not that weak. See, I know you're an alter user, but I'm not going all angsty and stuff.

KAZUMA: That's cool. Well, I'm gonna take this badly mad gun and get the hell out of here.

KANAMI: Don't die on me, Kazu-kun!

KAZUMA: That name…CANTI!

CANTI makes a THUNDEROUS LAND on the ground.

KAZUMA turns and looks back at KANAMI: The name's KAZUMA, don't ever call me "Kazu-kun" again!

KANAMI: Oooooooooooooooooooh!

MEANWHILE

MIMORI: I would like to divulge a plethora of important info, but unfortunately, I'll have to be violently interrupted by an explosion.

ASUKA: I feel you there. (But not that way.)

EXPLOSION: BLAMMO!

KAZUMA: SOYLENT GREEN IS PEOPLE!

OFFICER: KILL THAT MOTHERF-----!

KAZUMA: I'M THE HULK BITCH! HULK SMAAAAAAAAAAASH! He does a GARGANTUAN ATOMIC SMASH on the ground destroying EVERYTHING in sight.

SCHERIS: HOLY SH…

KAZUMA: YOUR TURN CONDOM TOP! He GRABS her. Guess what time it is.

SCHERIS: What time is it, NP-too-many-3s-and-2s?

KAZUMA: IT'S THE SCHERIS-BASHING HOUR! (The fangirls will love me for this.)

POW! POW! POW! POW!

KAZUMA'S DILAPIDATED ESTATE

RYUHO: We're looking for KAZUMA. Have you seen him?

KANAMI: You going Yaoi-istic or something?

RYUHO flails his arms about: WHAT WAS THAT! YOU'LL PAY FIR THAT! ZETSUEI, I CHOOSE YOU! ZETSUEI appears. ZETSUEI! DESTROY THAT HOUSE!

He DOES.

RYUHO: Kazuma's dilapidated estate is now Kazuma's ANNIHILATED estate! HA HA! And you're next, Kanami, unless you tell me where Kazuma went!

URIZANE: Wouldn't you get arrested for child abuse?

KAZUMA: Yeah! Wouldn't you get arrested for child abuse? Let my Kanami go, or there will be another Scheris-bashing hour!

RYUHO: YOU BETTER NOT TOUCH HER!

KAZUMA: THEN COME AND FIGHT-O, BEE-YOTCH!

RYUHO: I'M THERE, BEE-YOTCH!

URIZANE: You in love with her?

RYUHO: Yerp. So, am I still Yaoi-istic?

URIZANE: Nope.

RYUHO: Good to hear. I'm outta here. He LEAVES.

KANAMI: Where was Canti when I needed him?

LATER

RYUHO: I'm here. Let's get this started!

KAZUMA: I'll finally make you MY bitch!

RYUHO: HAH! I'M the king of making people my bitch! Don't think you can over throw me!

KAZUMA: I ALREADY HAVE THE CROWN!

RYUHO: ZETSUEI, EVIL STREAMER ATTACK!

MISS!

KAZUMA: MY TURN, BIATCH! He kicks his ass.

RYUHO: DAMMIT! ZETSUEI EVOLVE INTO ZETSUEI!

ZETSUEI evolves.

RYUHO: FIRING FISTS OF FLYING FURY!

ZETSUEI fires his ROBOT FISTS straight at Kazuma's face.

RYUHO: H0WDJ4 L1K3 D47, B14TCH!

KAZUMA: JUS7 4Z MUCH 4Z J00 L1K3 D1S, B14TCH!

They both SISSY-SLAP the HELL out of one another. Everyone gathers to see the FIGHT of the CENTURY.

SCHERIS: If this keeps up, the Earth will shatter into a trillion shards of dirt!

URIZANE: In short, bad things will happen.

SCHERIS: Yerp, bad things will happen.

KAZUMA: J0 M4M4'S S0 UGLY, SH3 M4K3S J04N R1V3RS V0M17 1N D1SGUS7!

RYUHO: J0 I/I4I/I4'S S0 F47, SI-I3'S PR4C7IC4LLY 4 B4LL /I7I-I I-I4IIDS, F337, 4IID I-I34D!

KAZUMA: PR0$Y, PR3P0$73R0U$, PR0$41C, PR373II710U$, PR3JUD1C3D, PR070I-I0I/I1II1D PR1CK!

RYUHO: R3$1DU3-34T1IIG, $L1PSI-I0D, UIIC0II$C10II4BL3, I-IUI/I4II 74DP0L3!

KAZUMA: **K1773II-K1LL1IIG, PR07U133R4II7, FR1/0L0U$, D1$$1P473D I-I0LY 73RR0R!**

RYUHO: **133DR4GGL3D, 1II$4LU13R10U$/4LK1IIG 13U130II1C PL4GU3!**

The WHOLE WORLD shakes VIOLENTLY.

SCHERIS: We're in deep crap, now!

URIZANE: Great going, you two!

ASUKA: L337 Sp34k. It is the ultimate abomination, the quintessential low of human language.

MIMORI: That's nice. Now, if you excuse me, I'm going to stand in an unsafe distance form the big battle.

STRAIGHT: JUST GET IN MY CAR, SO WE CAN GET THE HELL OUT OF HERE!

Everyone LEAVES

RYUHO: **DIE!**

KAZUMA: **BEE-YOTCH!**

EXPLOSION: **BLAMMO!**

NEWS: As it stands right now, the whole world is totally screwed up.

The End, Bee-yotches!

* * *

Next Time… s-CRYING-ed: In a Nutshell 

Episode 14: _Kyoji Mujo? That Sounds Like Ryoji Kaji!_

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Now for a treat for you s-CRYING-ed fans!

Episode 13 L337 Sp34k translations:

KAZUMA: YOUR MAMA'S SO UGLY SHE MAKES JOAN RIVERS VOMIT IN DISGUST!

RYUHO: YOUR MAMA'S SO FAT THAT SHE'S PRACTICALLY A BALL WITH HANDS, FEET, AND HEAD!

KAZUMA: PROSY, PREPOSTEROUS, PROSAIC, PRETENTIOUS, PREJUDICED, PROTOHOMINID PRICK!

RYUHO: RESIDUE-EATING, SLIPSHOD, UNCONSCIONABLE, HUMAN TADPOLE!

KAZUMA: **KITTEN-KILLING, PROTUBERANT, FRIVOLOUS, DISSIPATED HOLY TERROR!**

RYUHO: **BEDRAGGLED, INSALUBRIOUS, WALKING BUBONIC PLAGUE!**

That's it for the L337 Sp34k Translations. Now, for an announcement:

Starting September 24th, I will continue updating s-CRYING-ed now every Saturday instead of every Thursday, unless you live on the other side of the International Dateline, then it'll be every Sunday starting September 25th. Either way, it'll be on the weekend.

Until next time, ciao!

-GYRAX of the Dark Icon Writers.


	14. Sounds Like Ryoji Kaji

Note: I do not own s-CRY-ed, or any other intellectual properties. They are all copyrights of their respectful owners. The rest, however, is MINE, BEE-YOTCHES!

WARNING: Reading this load of crap will be detrimental to your IQ. Proceed at your own discretion.

It's PARODY TIME!

* * *

GYRAX Presents… 

_s-CRYING-ed: In a Nutshell_

Episode 14: _Kyoji Mujo? That Sounds Like Ryoji Kaji!_

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INTRO

KANAMI: I can't dream anymore…DAMMIT!

CLIFFS

ASUKA: Thanks for letting me mind control you.

FALCON: No problem, douchebag. (He goes POO on him.)

ASUKA: Well, we're safe, unless you don't like birdie droppings.

MIMORI: That's cool. (She holds her MAGIC PENDANT.) Oh, Ryuho.

ASUKA: She has quite an infatuation with him.

STRAIGHT: No kidding. Now if you excuse me, I'm going to make a long-ass speech about how alter users are related to God or something.

ASUKA: That's cool.

MIMORI: And let us all lament over Ryuho's absence, and we'll do it with a cheese sad-like J-Pop song, to increase the drama.

EVERYONE: HOO-RAH!

AFTERNOON

GANGSTAS: We're so badass, we ain't afraid to crush pretty little flowers!

SOME SLAVEHOUSE OR SOMETHING

BIG GUY: Damn! I can never solve this piece of crap!

RANDON GUY: It ain't rocket science, Boss.

BIG GUY: Well, I never said I was the sharpest knife on the Christmas tree, did I?

RANDOM GUY: Let's just drive these slaves, because we're slave drivers!

GANGSTAS: HOO-RAH!

KANAMI: Dammit! This slavery thing is t3h s uck, and t3h gangstas are pole-happy losers! Such shall not defeat me!

GYRAX: By the looks of it, you already are, my friend.

SHACK AT NIGHT

OLD WOMAN: Please eat this bread.

KANAMI: You have it. I'm not hungry.

OLD WOMAN: I'm trying to be kind, so eat it, dammit!

KANAMI: Ok! Ok! Where the hell are you, Kazu-kun? And where's Canti where you need him?

CONFERENCE ROOM

COUNSEL: Instead of doing a damn thing about it, let's go and whine our heads off.

: Not so fast, pinheaded ones.

COUNSELORS: Who the hell are you?

: I'm Kyoji Mujo, and I came here to deliver the Instrumentality Project.

ZIGMARL: That would be Ryoji Kaji.

MUJO: Oops. My bad.

MEANWHILE

KANAMI: I'm now dreaming of a new person. Can you guess who it is?

SOME SLAVEHOUSE OR SOMETHING (IN THE MORNING)

RANDOM GUY: Well, let's start driving more slaves and being bigger losers.

BIG GUY: Well, I actually AM a sharp knife, after all. I SOLVED A PUZZLE! M4SS1V3 W00T4G3!

OUTSIDE

POLE-HAPPY LOSER: IT'S STOMPING TIME! (He stomps on '?')

: Ouch!

ASUKA'S PLACE

STRAIGHT: WASSAAAAAAAAAAAAP!

MIMORI: AACK! Cut the crap!

STRAIGHT: Allow me to make it up to you with a present. It contains information and stuff.

MIMORI: You are t3h greatest!

SOME SLAVEHOUSE OR SOMETHING

POLE-HAPPY LOSER DUDES: WHAM! BAM! THANK YOU MA'AM!

('?' Reveals himself as RYUHO!)

KANAMI: Holy crizzap!

POLE-HAPPY LOSER DUDES: Who the hell are you?

RYUHO: I don't know, but in the name of the moon, I shall punish you! (He kicks their asses.)

BIG GUY: Now, I can't just sit around while you beat up my boys and playing Sailor Moon! (Ugh!) NOW FIGHT ME AND MY EVIL OCTOPUS! (EVIL OCTOPUS magically appears.)

RYUHO: That thing is ugly as hell!

EVIL OCTOPUS: I'm ugly and I'm proud! I'm ugly and I'm proud! I'm ugly and I'm proud! Ok, no I'm not.

BIG GUY: But we'll kick your miserable ass anyway! (He DOES.)

RYUHO: I think I'm in need of a magical comeback scene here, dammit! (He BOUNCES BACK TO LIFE and KICKS THEIR ASSES.)

BIG GUY: WAAAAAAAAAARGH! I'M HIS BITCH!

KANAMI: Thanks for saving me. Now, where the hell is Kazu-kun?

RYUHO: OUCH! AGONIZING ANGSTY PAIN!

KANAMI: Whoops. My bad.

CONVOY

SCHERIS: I SHALL OVERCOME!

URIZANE: I think she's lost it.

CLOAKED WOMEN: I don't think she ever had it.

MEANWHGILE, IN SOME DARK PLACE…

KAZUMA: I'm back! I'M RICK JAMES, BITCH!

The End, Bee-yotches!

* * *

Next Time… 

s-CRYING-ed: In a Nutshell

Episode 15: _Nanostray Boy!_


	15. Our Favorite PoorAss Boy

Note: I do not own s-CRY-ed, or any other intellectual properties. They are all copyrights of their respectful owners. The rest, however, is MINE, BEE-YOTCHES!

WARNING: Reading this load of crap will be detrimental to your IQ. Proceed at your own discretion.

It's PARODY TIME!

* * *

GYRAX Presents… 

_s-CRYING-ed: In a Nutshell_

Episode 15: _Our Favorite Poor-Ass Boy_

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COLOSSEUM

ASUKA: They say in here, alter users fight in an arena, like in "Thunderdome".

MIMORI: I didn't like that movie.

ARENA

(KAZUMA enters the arena all GORGGY-LIKE; his appearance shocks EVERYONE.)

SOME GUY: Let's spread rumors about this guy!

WOMAN: I just SO love clichés.

SOME OTHER GUY: Me too!

MIMORI: This is…HORRIBLE.

ASUKA: Tell me about it. Mel Gibson's nowhere in sight.

MIMORI: Umm, the Mel Gibson you're looking for is dead now; he got crucified. I saw it happen downtown.

(KAZUMA fights some COCKY BASTARD; actually he's letting the guy hand his ass over to him, just to piss everyone off.)

SOME GUY: FIGHT, DAMMIT!

(KAZUMA finally hallucinates and sees his #1 enemy, although the COCKY BASTARD's alter looks nothing like ZETSUEI. He FLIPS.)

KAZUMA: RRRRRAAAAAAAAAAAAWRGH! (He blows the WHOLE DAMN ARENA up.)

KAZUMA: HULK SMASH!

CROWD: YYYYYYYYYYYYEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH, BEEEEEEEEEEEEE-YYYYOOOOOOOOOOOTCH!

HOLY HQ

ZIGMARL: You know about that "Portal to the other side" thing?

MUJO: Yup. I've been there; I'm a ghost with a freaky eye. Do I scare you? WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOHHHHHHHHH!

ZIGMARL: Thos eyes freak me out.

COLOSSEUM

MIMORI: I have a big speech ready about how fighting will eventually lead to eventual ruin and how woman will inherit the Earth. Wanna hear about it?

ASUKA: I'll pretend to, seeing as we have a lot of time to waste.

GANGSTAS: BOO!

ASUKA: "Boo" yourself, you dried up douchebags.

GANGSTAS: WAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH! Run away!

COLOSSEUM'S CRAPPY CABINS (Wow! Alliteration rocks!)

BOY: You're the coolest guy, EVAR!

KAZUMA: RRRRRRRRRRRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAWWWWWWWWWGH!

BOY: WAAAAAAAAARGH! I peed my pants!

MOUNTAINS

KANAMI: Remember anything about my Kazu-kun?

RYUHO: I already said I don't…

KANAMI: Then allow me to restore your memories for you.

RYUHO: No thanks. It hurts like hell.

LATER

RYUHO: No need to fear, I'm staying her to be your guardian. I will be the angle who watches over you! (PINK SPARKLIES dance around him.)

TOWNSPEOPLE: YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY!

HOLY HQ

MUJO: Well, if we're going to arrest Miss Kiryu, then we'll us my man.

ZIGMARL: Excuse me?

MUJO: What? You think I swing that way?

STRAIGHT: It doesn't matter; this freak was just being an a-hole. (He drops MUJO'S MAN on the floor.)

ZIGMARL: You're the man!

STRAIGHT: Yeeeerp! I AM the man!

MOUNTAINS

RYUHO: Life as a poor dude ain't that bad.

KANAMI: Your memory's restored?

RYUHO: No.

COLOSSEUM'S CRAPPY CABINS

ASUKA: Hey, KAZUMA.

KAZUMA: …

ASUKA: HEY!

KAZUMA: …

ASUKA: I'M TRYING TO TALK TO YOU, DAMMIT!

KAZUMA: …

ASUKA: Screw you then, deaf mute.

MOUNTAINS AT NIGHT

KANAMI: I love stars! You got your memories back yet?

RYUHO: No.

KANAMI: DAMN!

COLOSSEUM

(KAZUMA actually GETS HIS ASS OFF and saves the BOY from GETTING HIS ASS KICKED! IT'S A FREAKING MIRACLE!)

KAZUMA: I'm bustin' dis joint, bitches! But first, I'm getting my pay.

SOME HEAD HONCHO'S PLACE

HEAH HONCHO: I'm a living cliché in the flesh!

KAZUMA: And that's why I don't like you!

EXPLOSION: KABLOOEY!

BOY: Excuse me-

KAZUMA: Take it. (He hands his pay over to him.)

BOY: But-

KAZUMA: RRRRRRRRRRRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAWWWWWWWWWGH!

BOY: WAAAAAAAAARGH! I peed my pants!

(KAZUMA leaves.)

NEXT DAY, NEXT DAY, NEXT DAY!

SCHERIS: I FOUND YOU!

RYUHO: If you don't leave my people alone, I shall punish you in the name of the moon, panty-flashing evildoer!

SCHERIS: Excuse me?

The End, Bee-yotches!

* * *

Next Time… 

_s-CRYING-ed: In a Nutshell_

Episode 16: _So Kigetsuki! Totally Valley Girl Speak!_


	16. So Kigetsuki! Totally Valley Girl Speak!

Note: I do not own s-CRY-ed, or any other intellectual properties. They are all copyrights of their respectful owners. The rest, however, is MINE, BEE-YOTCHES!

WARNING: Reading this load of crap will be detrimental to your IQ. Proceed at your own discretion.

It's PARODY TIME!

* * *

GYRAX Presents… 

_s-CRYING-ed: In a Nutshell_

Episode 16: _So Kigetsuki! Totally Valley Girl Speak!_

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INTRO

SHERRICE: Damn it! Ryuuhou has no memories, and he called me an evildoer! EVEN AN AMNESIAC MAKES FUN OF ME AND MY OUTFIT! I'm going to straighten this out, now!

URIZANE: Whatever.

BANKA: Time to shine, girls!

CHUKA AND SHOKA: HOO-RAH!

VILLAGE

POOR PEOPLE: YAY! NO MORE ASS-HOLYS!

RYUUHOU: That sounds like a good label for them.

CONVOY

UNKEI: THE FANFICTION KING HAS RETURNED! BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

VILLAGE

POOR PEOPLE: We may be poor, but we're living a better life than you are, lazy bastards.

SHERRICE: Ryuuhou, I want to talk to you!

RYUUHOU: It's the panty-flashing evildoer!

SHERRICE: SHUT-UP! (She grabs RYUUHOU'S HAND and DRAGS him.) You're coming with me, mister!

RYUUHOU: LET ME THE HELL GO!

LATER

RYUUHOU: I'M AN ASS-HOLY?

SHERRICE: And a rich kid, too. (Damn! That Label's contagious!) Add to it we used to be lovers.

RYUUHOU: REALLY? (His EYES widen.)

SHERRICE: Nah. That was just a fantasy I always had. The fangirls hate me for it.

RYUUHOU: Gee, I can't see why.

SHERRICE: Once upon a time, you saved my life. And even when I was ruffled up and living in the streets, I always had that weird hairpiece.

RYUUHOU: Can't you take it off?

SHERRICE: Nope. Anyway, I'm outta here. (She LEAVES.)

LATER

KIGETSUKI: 1t's, l1k3, my gr4nd 3ntr4nc3, 4nd I T0T4LLY g3t t3h b3st 1ntr0 3v4r, Ch13f!

SHERRICE: Excuse me?

KIGETSUKI: T3h f4ng1rls T0T4LLY r3qu3st3d 4n0th3r Sh3rr1c3-b4sh1ng h0ur, b14tch, so I, l1ke, g4v3 th3m 0n3!

SHERRICE: Oh Sh--!

CLOAKED GIRLS: HOO-RAH! HOO-RAH! HOO-RAH!

SHERRICE: DAMN YOU FANGIRLS!

(POW! POW! POW! POW!)

VILLAGE

RYUUHOU: I'm an ass-HOLY?

BANKA: Remember us? We're your personal Harem!

CHUKA: Check our casual attire! Our figures ain't that bad, after all!

ALL 3: HOO-RAH! HOO-RAH!

RYUUHOU: Who the hell are you?

SHOKA: We're your personal harem remember? We had the grandest old times together!

RYUUHOU: BLEEECH!

SHOKA: That's not what I mean, stupid.

BANKA: Dig the photo!

RYUUHOU: I'm magically recovering my long lost memories! YAAAAAAAAAY!

UNKEI: I'M A F--KING LITERARY GENIUS!

KIGETSUKI: L1k3, 1t w4s T0T4LLY 4 c0ll4b0r4t3d 3ff0rt, Ch13f!

UNKEI: Whatever. I AM THE FANFICTION KING! BWAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

KANAIM: I'm gonna break up the part now, if you don't mind! GOOD GOD, THOSE GIRLS ARE MONSTERS!

RYUUHOU: Didn't you learn about tolerance in school?

KANAMI: I NEVER WENT TO SCHOOL!

CHUKA: DAYAMN! Your life must've sucked!

KANAMI grabs RYUUHOU'S HAND: Come now, we need to talk!

KIGETSUKI: W3 T0T4LLY n33d t0 t4k3 4r3 0f th4t br4t, Ch13f!

UNKEI Surprisingly smart-ass for a girl who never had a school to go to.

NIGHTTIME

SHOKA: CAN YOU SAY CHLOROFORM?

KANAMI: WHAT THE HELL- (She's KNOCKED OUT like NOBODY'S BUSINESS.)

(RYUUHOU is met by his PERSONAL HAREM.)

UNKEI: MY FANFICTION HAS BEEN REVISED! NOW THIS WILL BE THE ULTIMATE PAIRING, EVER!

KIGETSUKI: T0T4LLY, b14tch.

UNKEI: WATCH AS RYUUHOU HAS THE TIME OF HIS LIFE, AND **MARRIES ALL THREE OF THEM**! BWAHAHAHAAHAHAHA! SURPRISE! IT'S A RYUUHOU/SHOKA/CHUKA/BANKA 4-WAY PAIRING! BWAHAHAHAHAHA!

ALL 3: Show us you power!

RYUUHOU: HERE?

ALL 3: Not that power, stupid.

RYUUHOU: Oh yeah…**SUPER-SAIYAN MODE, BITCHES!**

(The WHOLE WORLD shakes VIOLENTLY. A SUPER-BRILLIANT LIGHT shines before EVERYONE.)

POOR PEOPLE: Oh sh--!

RYUUHOU: I'M BAAAAAAAAAAAAAAACK!

KAZUMA: It's about time!

Enter SHERRICE: Damn fangirls!

KIGETSUKI: L1k3, j00 b4ck!

SHERRICE: What the hell are you saying?

KIGETSUKI: I went through the lengths of combining l33t speak, gangsta speak, and valley girl speak to form my own dialect.

SHERRICE: And it ain't pretty.

RYUUHOU: KIGETSUKI! UNKEI! In the name of the Moon, I SHALL PUNISH YOU!

KIGETSUKI: I 4m S0 l34v1ng, b1tch3s! (He DOES.)

UNKEI: YOU MEANIE!

RYUUHOU: AND NOW YOU SHALL BE MY BITCH! (He KICKS ASS.)

UNKEI: WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARGH! I'M HIS BITCH! (He's DEFEATED!)

SHERRICE: YAAAAAAAAAAAAAY! YOU BEAT HIM!

URIZANE: Now, you're under arrest!

RYUUHOU: Oh yeah, that's some way to thank me.

URIZANE: This whole thing is getting confusing and retarded!

SHERRICE: Who cares? I'm with RYUUHOU!

RYUUHOU…crap.

AIRPORT

KAZUMA: God, I feel like I'm in an RPG.

AYASE: You can say that again.

KAZUMA: Who the hell are you?

The End, Bee-yotches!

* * *

Next Time… 

_s-CRYING-ed: In a Nutshell_

Episode 17: _Ayase, the Obligatory Hottie!_


	17. Ayase, the Obligatory Hottie!

Note: I do not own s-CRY-ed, or any other intellectual properties. They are all copyrights of their respectful owners. The rest, however, is MINE, BEE-YOTCHES!

WARNING: Reading this load of crap will be detrimental to your IQ. Proceed at your own discretion.

It's PARODY TIME!

* * *

GYRAX Presents… 

s-CRYING-ed: In a Nutshell

Episode 17: _Ayase, the Obligatory Hottie!_

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AYASE: Hiya! I'm here to capture you!

BIG UGLY GUY: I'M BACK WITH A VENGEANCE BITCH!

(SMASH!)

AYASE: NOW, I SHALT DROWN YOU WITH MY MAGIC WATER!

(MAGIC WATER engulfs KAZUMA.)

AYASE: Dum Du-Dum DUUUUUUUUUUM DUUUUUUUUUUM! Dum Du-Dum DUUUUUUUUUUM DUUUUUUUUUUM! Dum Du-Dum DUUUUUUUUUUM DUUUUUUUUUUM! Dum Du-Dum DAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

KAZUMA: THAT'S "RIDE OF THE VALKYRIES", STUPID!

AYASE: YOU EXPECT ME TO SING THAT RUBBER DUCKY SOMG FROM SESAME STREET!

KAZUMA DROWNS: WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGH!

CITY

KYOJI Drives By: For a smart guy, Ilyon, you sure pick the worst places to hide. Like no one will ever see you on top of a building.

ILYON: I hate you.

CAVERNS

AYASE: Thank God the cost is clear. (She stares at KAZUMA, all SPARKLY-EYED.)

KAZUMA: …

AYASE: HUGGLES!

KAZUMA: Not huggles! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

AYASE: God, you're such a baby.

FLASHBACK

POOR PEOPLE: We like to have you around, but you're an alter user, so we have no choice but to discriminate against you. No offense.

END FLASHBACK

HILLS

RYUHO: That's a way to thank someone.

SCHERIS: Hey. Let's eat these weird-looking fruit with faces.

RYUHO: Like that one episode of Inuyasha?

CONVOY

URIZANE: TELL ME EVERYTHING YOU KNW, PUPPET MAN!

CLOAKED GIRLS: Let him go! He is My Master!

URIZANE: And that proves that he had to use Alter Power to MAKE girls because he can't get a REAL girlfriend!

CLOAKED GIRLS: WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA?

HOSPITAL

ZIGMAR: Here's more of me being boring…again.

ILYON: And here's some of me hoping that Mary Sue, Kyoji Mujo dies.

CAVERNS

AYASE: Allow me to explain how Alter Power works in a boring-ass exposition!

KAZUMA: I'm bored, but at least I'm not huggled.

AYASE: You're such a baby.

KAZUMA: I am what I am.

AYASE: And that's why I like you. Come to the mainland with me becaue I'm over-obsessed!

KAZUMA: Screw you! I'm going home, wherever that is.

AYASE: I SHALL DROWN YOU! (MAGIC WATER forms.)

KAZUMA DROWNS: WWAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARGH!

AYASE: I SHALT KICK YOUR ASS!

KAZUMA: MY ASS ART KICKED!

AYASE: Dum Du-Dum DUUUUUUUUUUM DUUUUUUUUUUM! Dum Du-Dum DUUUUUUUUUUM DUUUUUUUUUUM! Dum Du-Dum DUUUUUUUUUUM DUUUUUUUUUUM! Dum Du-Dum DAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

(BEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEP!)

AYASE: CRAP! My brother died! ANGSTY DEATH! (She DIES.)

KAZUMA: As Darth Vader would say, NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

KYOJI: And here's where I join in.

KAZUMA: Ass-HOLY!

KYOJI: Puh-leeeeeeez! That is SO infantile.

KAZUMA: HOW ABOUT THIS? (He BLOWS HIM AWAY with his AMAZING POWER.)

KYOJI: Oooooooooooooooooh. Look at the liiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiight.

HOSPITAL

ZIGMAR: Check out my stupid face.

HILLS

KANAMI: Like the new clothes, Scheris?

SCHERIS: No. They are utterly tasteless.

KANAMI: You are the series' fanservice, so the outfit's only suitable.

The End, Bee-yotches!

* * *

Next Time… 

s-CRYING-ed: In a Nutshell

Episode 18: _Straight Cougar. You Speak too Fast._


	18. Straight Cougar You Speak too Fast

Note: I do not own s-CRY-ed, or any other intellectual properties. They are all copyrights of their respectful owners. The rest, however, is MINE, BEE-YOTCHES!

WARNING: Reading this load of crap will be detrimental to your IQ. Proceed at your own discretion.

It's PARODY TIME!

* * *

GYRAX Presents… 

s-CRYING-ed: In a Nutshell

Episode 18: _Straight Cougar. You Speak too Fast._

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INTRO

ZIGMAR: Ryuho's been a bit on the wayside.

MAN (I Don't Know his Name!): Despite that, we should let him do whatever the hell he wants. Just to get out of the subject for no good reason, what do you think of Kyoji Mujo?

ZIGMAR: He's a Mary Sue

MAN: That ain't good.

UPSHIFTED AREA

KANAMI: I'm going on a search for my Kazu-kun.

RYUHO: Not alone, it's dangerous.

KANAMI: I'm stubborn. See ya! (She LEAVES.)

SCHERIS: That's obvious, but I say let her go. Call it payback for giving me this outfit.

HOLY HQ

URIZANE: Tell me what you know.

ILYON: You kidding?

URIZANE: How about a watermelon?

ILYON: I can't eat that. Are you trying to bribe me?

URIZANE: Whaddya think, Buddy?

HELIPAD

MAN #1: THE DAMN CHOPPER'S SO LOUD I CAN'T HEAR SH--!

MAN#2: WHAT?

ZIGMAR'S OFFICE

ZIGMAR: Here's more of me being boring.

KYOJI: And here's me being a jerk.

ZIGMAR: I hate you.

ROAD

STRAIGHT: Blahblahblahdybladyblah! Blahblahblahblahblahblahdyblah! BLAHBLAH!

ASUKA'S LOVELY PAD

ASUKA strains his ass off while pushing a big circular FLOWER THINGIE: DAMN THIS M-----F---ING PIECE OF DINO SH--! **MOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOVE!** Oh, and someone wanted to tell you that he found Ryuho.

MIMORI: COOL! (She picks up the FLOWER THINGIE without ANY EFFORT! She carries it out of the house.

ASUKA: …Dayamn.

CLIFFS

KANAMI: WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH! I'M FALLING, DAMMIT!

RYUHO: UP, UP, AND AWAY! (He SAVES her.)

SCHERIS: you shoulda let her fall. Call it payback for giving me this outfit.

KANAMI: I thought it was suitable for you.

SCHERIS: RRRRRRRRRRRGH!

HELICOPTER

SOLDIER #1: Lock on target.

SOLDIER #2: Target locked, although there's no need to zoom all the way up to her damn eye.

SOLDIER #1: ANCHORS AWAY! (He DROPS a big metal box.)

PLATEAU

MIMORI: DAMN! Did they have to drop that thing RIGHT IN FRONT OF US?

(METAL BOX opens to reveal BIG UGLY DUDE.)

ASUKA: God, he's ugly.

BIG UGLY DUDE: HAMMER!

ASUKA: But I don't have a hammer!

BIG UGLY DUDE: HAMMER!

ASUKA: BUT I DON'T HAVE A F---ING HAMMER!

CHURCH

RYUHO: You're stubborn.

KANAMI: You just found this out?

PLATEAU

BIG UGLY DUDE: HAMMER!

ASUKA: No hammer, but I have a magic bow that shoots pool balls. (He SHOOTS him. A direct hit on his forehead.) 8-ball in the corner pocket, bitch!

BIG UGLY DUDE: Hammer. (He SMASHES him.)

ZETSUEI: FWOOM! Deus Ex Machina Activated!

MIMORI: Ryuho?

: …

MIMORI: Ryuho?

: …

MIMORI: I know it's you, dammit!

RYUHO: So much for playing Enigma. I'll just make this big ugly dud my bitch, now.

BIG UGLY DUDE: HAMMER!

RYUHO: Are you like Timmy or something?

BIG UGLY DUDE: Blagghbrrlaghlagh Hammer!

RYUHO: That answers my question. (He kicks his ass.)

BIG UGLY DUDE: HAMMEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEERRRRRRR! WAAAAAAARGH! I'M NOW HIS BITCH!) (He uses his MAGIC JETPACK and flies away.)

ASUKA: I'm surprised he can fly at his weight.

MIMORI: HUGGLES!

RYUHO: NOT HUGGLES! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

ROAD

STRAIGHT: BlahdyblahdyblahblahblahblahdyblahblshBLAHDYBLAH!

(BLAMMO!)

KAZUMA: Great. It's you.

STRAIGHT: Blahblahblahdyblahdyblah! Blahblahblahdyblahdy! Blahblahblahdyblahblahblahdyblahdyblah! BLAHBLAHDYBLAHDYBLAHBLAHBLAHBLAH!

KAZUMA: SPEAK SLOWER, DAMMIT!

STRAIGHT: ICAN'T! BLAHDYBLAHDYBLAH! (He kicks his ass.)

KAZUMA: I hate you.

CAR

KANAMI: I keep dreaming of this guy. I can never identify him, although the audience already knew who it was from the first episode.

AUDIENCE: FIGURE IT OUT!

ROAD

STRAIGHT: Blahdyblah!

KAZUMA: Time to translate.

The End, Bee-yotches!

* * *

Next Time… 

s-CRYING-ed: In a Nutshell

Episode 19: _It's the Three Cloaked Girls! Insecurities Abound?_


	19. It's the Three Cloaked Girls!

Note: I do not own s-CRY-ed, or any other intellectual properties. They are all copyrights of their respectful owners. The rest, however, is MINE, BEE-YOTCHES!

WARNING: Reading this load of crap will be detrimental to your IQ. Proceed at your own discretion.

It's PARODY TIME!

* * *

GYRAX Presents… 

_s-CRYING-ed: In a Nutshell_

Episode 19: _It's the Three Cloaked Girls! Insecurities Abound?_

* * *

VILLAGE 

TOKUNATSU SISTERS: Go to sleeeeeeeeeeeep --- go to sleeeeeeeeeeeep --- close your big bloodshot eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeyes. La dee-dee dee, la dee-dah --- and I hope you don't waaaaaaaaake uuuuuuuuuuuuuup.

POOR PEOPLE: We're sleepy.

DARTH: Bluuuuurgh.

SCHERIS: Blurgh yourselves! (She kicks their asses.)

DARTH: Bluuuuurgh.

SCHERIS: So, you're gonna team up on a defenseless little girl like me, eh?

DARTH: Bluuuuurgh. (Translated: You just kicked our asses.)

KIGETSUKI: L1k3 s0m30n3 T0T4LLY n33ds t0 g3t 4n 4tt1tud3 4djustm3nt.

SCHERIS: And YOU need a dialect adjustment.

KIGETSUKI: Shut t3h h3ll up! 4nyw4ys, I w4s g01ng t0, l1k3, r3ve34l 4 pl3th0r4 0f cr4p p3rt41n1ng t0 4 p0w3r f4r 4b0v3 HOLY, 4lth0ugh 1t 1s h1ghly r3c0mm3nd3d th4t I d0n't.

SCHERIS: God, you're stupid.

TOKUNATSU SISTERS: BOOYAH!

SCHERIS: Booyah yourselves, bitches! ETERNAL DEVOTE MAXIMUM PAIN! BWAHAHAHA!

BANKA: Ouchies! I hate you!

SCHERIS: I know what power is because I've been with a REAL man.

BANKA: SLAPOW!

SCHERIS: OWWIE!

KIGETSUKI: If h3 1s S0 a r34l m4n, th3n why d0n't w3 pr0v3 1t? C4ll h1m.

SCHERIS: Fine! I'll call him. Ryuho. Ryuho. Where for art thou, Ryuho?

RYUHO: Here for I art!

MIMORI: Don't forget me!

SCHERIS: Why the hell are you here?

MIMORI: And many greetings to you too, condom-top.

KIGETSUKI: T3h wh0l3 c4st 0f s4d s4cks 1z h33r! K1LL!

DARTH: Bluuuuurgh. (Translated: Hello, Ryuho, my friend. Mind if i beat the snot out of you? Thanks a bunch!) (They kick his ass.)

SCHERIS: Oh noes! We're doomed!

KANAMI: And they gonna hurt the poor people!

BIG UGLY DUDE: HAMMER!

KANAMI: AND TIMMY'S BACK!

BIG UGLY DUDE: Blagghbrrlaghlagh Hammer!

KAZUMA: BOOYAH! (Deus ex machiuna to the rescue!)

KANAMI: YAAY! KAZU-KUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUN!

KAZUMA: Dayamn! You got a set of pipes there, kid.

MIMORI: WOOHOO! MAGICAL COMEBACK TIME!

(They TURN the TABLES.)

KIGETSUKI: I T0T4LLY H4T3 J00 4LL! I H4V3 N0 CH01C3 BUT TO H4V3 T3H G1RLS 4CT1V4T3 "UGLY MODE"! 34T 1T, B1TCH3S!

(UGLY MODE ACTIVATE!)

(The three CLOAKED GIRLS combine to form --- one hell of an ugly plant thing.)

TOKUNATSU: RAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHR!

KAZUMA: Raaaaaaaaaaaahr yourself, stupid!

RYUHO: We must activateth SSJ mode!

(They both DO.)

KIGETSUKI: But, l1k3, l0 n b3h0ld! I g0tz h0st4g3z! D0 s0m3th1ng stup1d, n I'll T0T4LLY w41l 0n em w1t t3h p0w4h 0 h34t!

MIMORI: WAAAAAAAAAAH! My hair's all frizzy!

RYUHO: I am afraid I must backeth down from the battle!

KAZUMA: Pussy! (He charges at KIGETSUKI.)

KIGETSUKI: Shw44?

BLAMMO!

TOKUNATSU: WE'RE DEAD!

KIGETSUKI: DAMMIT! IS THAT IT?

TOKUNATSU: Sorry master. (The three cloaked girls VANISH.)

KIGETSUKI: I HATE EVERYONE! WHY DO I HAVE TO BE ALONE IN THIS WORLD?

STRAIGHT: God, you're pathetic.

SCHERIS: Did I hear him right. He used NORMAL dialect!

KIGETSUKI: And for that! I'll come back and have my revenge!

HOLY HQ

KYOJI: Not if I have anything to do about it. Just let me breathe you in, ok? (He DOES.)

The End, Bee-yotches!

* * *

Next Time… 

_s-CRYING-ed: In a Nutshell_

Episode 20: _KANAMIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII!_


	20. KANAMIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII!

Note: I do not own s-CRY-ed, or any other intellectual properties. They are all copyrights of their respectful owners. The rest, however, is MINE, BEE-YOTCHES!

WARNING: Reading this load of crap will be detrimental to your IQ. Proceed at your own discretion.

It's PARODY TIME!

* * *

GYRAX Presents… 

_s-CRYING-ed: In a Nutshell_

Episode 20: _KANAMIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII!_

* * *

INTRO 

MIMORI: Guess what! It's practically another clip show!

KANAMI: HOO-RAH!

FLASHBACK

KANAMI: Hi! I'm Kanami!

KAZUMA: I'm Kazuma. No relation.

KANAMI: Kazu-kun!

KAZUMA: Where's Canti when I need him?

KANAMI: And thus, our fateful union hath started. So romantic.

KAZUMA: Not really, considering our age difference.

KANAMI: You're right. I don't like pedophiles, anyway.

HILLS, PRESENT DAY

KANAMI: Guess what time it is!

KAZUMA: Clip show time?

KANAMI: You're no fun.

KAZUMA: I don't even want to flash back to that ultra-l337 battle!

KANAMI: Too late, you already did.

KAZUMA: Oh, hell.

KANAMI: Did I ever tell you how Ryuho saved my life?

KAZUMA: So that's why you like him so much. Why don't you marry him?

KANAMI: I'm too young, dipwad. Let us just change the subject. Remember that dude I always dreamed of?

KAZUMA (to HIMSELF): She knows that's me, right?

GYRAX: Dream, dream, dream...

KAZUMA: Want to see clips of me vs. Ryuho?

KANAMI: Sure!

GYRAX: Well, get some popcorn and snowcaps! The show's already started!

KANAMI: I wish we could all get along.

KAZUMA: Well, that don't work that way, sister.

CABIN

SCHERIS: Let's all have a crap-boring discussion, all the while uttering the name that makes men cry.

RYUHO: Kyoji Mujo --- the Mary Sue.

MEN: WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!

FLASHBACK

NATIVE ALTER 1: Watch me do this cheap interpretive dance!

NATIVE ALTER 2: Dude, I'm totally stoned right now.

PRESENT

STRAIGHT: That was wierd.

RYUHO: I'm outta here before anything else happens.

HILLS

KAZUMA: Great job, Ryuho. I caught the crap-boring syndrome, thanks to you!

SCHERIS & MIMORI: Same here.

SCHERIS: Just because I'm around him doesn't mean I'm close. You think Ryuho's gay?

MIMORI: Best theory I could come up with. He _did_ turn down _two_ beautiful girls.

SCHERIS: Yeeeeerp!

SOMEWHERE ELSE

GYRAX: More clips!

KAZUMA & RYUHO: NO MORE CLIPS!

GYRAX: Dayamn! No need to shout! I'm sensitive!

KAZUMA & RYUHO: What is this feeling inside me? I feel it whenever I see him!

MIMORI: Naked aggression covering up deeply hidden affections. EVIDENCE!

SCHERIS: OO-RAH!

BIG UGLY DUDE: HAMMER!

SCHERIS: Great! Timmy's Back!

BIG UGLY DUDE: Blagghbrrlaghlagh Hammer!

KAZUMA & RYUHO: AND THE DOUCHEBAG HAS KANAMI!

BIG UGLY DUDE: HAMMER! I'm gone! (He LEAVES.)

KAZUMA & RYUHO: I hate you, you big meanie!

The End, Bee-yotches!

* * *

Next Time… 

_s-CRYING-ed: In a Nutshell_

Episode 21: _The HOLY Eye Just Ain't That Holy_


	21. The HOLY Eye Just Ain't That Holy

Note: I do not own s-CRY-ed, or any other intellectual properties. They are all copyrights of their respectful owners. The rest, however, is MINE, BEE-YOTCHES!

WARNING: Reading this load of crap will be detrimental to your IQ. Proceed at your own discretion.

It's PARODY TIME!

* * *

GYRAX Presents…

_s-CRYING-ed: In a Nutshell_

Episode 21: _The HOLY Eye Just Ain't That Holy._

* * *

INTRO

SCHERIS: EVEN A F---ING SATILLITE GET'S ITS OWN GODDAMN EPISODE! I'M GONNA FREAK OUT! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGH!

VILLAGE

ASUKA: I AM JESUS!

MIMORI: That you are.

MEANWHILE

KAZUMA: I'm gonna kick some ass. Kick some ass. Kick, kick, kick, kick, kick some ass.

STRAIGHT: NONE SHALL PASS! (KAPOW!)

RYUHO: I shalt make Mujo my bitch!

STRAIGHT: NONE SHALL PASS! (KAPOW!) Besides, we need to actually think. You know, using your brain in a productive manner.

HOLY HQ

ZIGMAR: Here's yet even more of me being boring.

URIZANE: And here's me being militant! DEATH TO THE MARY SUE!

ZIGMAR: Someone needs some Ritalin. I think I took too much.

MEANWHILE

MUJO: I am in control now, bitches! PH33R MY AUTHORITA!

BIG UGLY DUDE: Hammer!

VILLAGE

MIMORI: Life sucks.

SCHERIS: Tell me about it.

ASUKA: Being Jesus really wears you down a bit.

STRAIGHT: I could've really used your help in stopping these morons, Jesus.

HOLY HQ

URIZANE: DEATH TO THE MARY SUE!

ILYON: I would be joining you, but I'm currently incapacitated.

ZIGMAR: Well, Ziech Zeon to you.

URIZANE: HOO-RAH!

VILLAGE

MIMORI: I'm alone with Ryuho. Now's my chance!

RYUHO?

MIMORI: Ryuho. Do you love me?

RYUHO: Hell, why not?

MIMORI: HOO-FRICKIN-RAH! As a gift of appreciation, I'll give you this uniform.

RYUHO: Wow --- thanks.

MEANWHILE

STRAIGHT: PH33R T3H PEOPLE'S SUBMISSION HOLD

KAZUMA: I FRICKIN HATE YOU!

SCHERIS: I guess those two were meant to be together. That's okay, because I fel good, now the the sun is shining some extra light on me. I need sunglasses.

EXPLOSION: BLAMMO!

MUJO: Testing. 1, 2, 23. Okay. Thjis is Kyoji Mujo, resident Mary Sue, live from some house, communicating via the missile I just shot at you.

KAZUMA: If you wanted to talk to us so badly, you shouldn't have shot a missile at us.

STRAIGHT: He has a point.

MUJO: Well, now that Barney and friends have arrived, allow me to bring the news to Ryuho: I OWN YOU! YOU'RE DADDY'S DEAD! BOW DOWN AND PH33R MY AUTHORITA!

RYUHO: NEVER!

MIMORI: YEAH!

SCHERIS: WALL-TO-WALL CLICHES!

MUJO: Ah well. It was fun trying, Now I'll have to blow you all to smithereens with a kickass satellite in outer space.

HOLY EYE: I'm the satillite! Ph33r me! I'm the satellite! (It OPENS FIRE.)

KAZUMA AND RYUHO: SUPER SAIYAN MODE! ACTIVATE!

KAZUMA: LET'S FLY TO THAT SATELLITE AND KICK IT'S ASS!

RYUHO: FLY ME TO THE MOOOOOOOOOOOOOOON!

(They take off.)

MUJO: God, they're stupid. Time to _carpe diem_! (He heads off.)

KAZUMA AND RYUHO: DESTROOOOOOOOOOYYYYYYYYYY!

HOLY EYE: ...crap!

EXPLOSION: BLAMMO

MAGIC GATE

MUJO: I'm here, now what.

MYSTERIOUS ALTER: Many greetins, oh living cliche.

MUJO: Hey, yourself. NOW FUSE WITH ME! (MAGIC FUSION commences. Then, he magically teleports to HOLY HQ.) Now, time to make this a climax of a Disney film in the making. (HOYL HQ becomes contorted with EVIL!)

MEANWHILE

KAZUMA: Space wasn't all that great.

RYUHO: I liked the view, though.

(They LAND on the ground in a MAGICAL WAY.)

KAZUMA: Why do I feel like I'm at the final battle in _Aladdin_?

RYUHO: Let us eliminate the Mary Sue!

KAZUMA: And rescue Kanami!

RYUHO: And let's meaninglessly bicker along the way!

KAZUMA: SWEET! I LOVE BICKERING!

The End, Bee-yotches!

* * *

Next Time…

_s-CRYING-ed: In a Nutshell_

Episode 22: _Martin Zigmar - "This May Be the Last of Me Being Boring"_


	22. Boring Zigmar

Note: I do not own s-CRY-ed, or any other intellectual properties. They are all copyrights of their respectful owners. The rest, however, is MINE, BEE-YOTCHES!

WARNING: Reading this load of crap will be detrimental to your IQ. Proceed at your own discretion.

It's PARODY TIME!

* * *

GYRAX Presents…

_s-CRYING-ed: In a Nutshell_

Episode 22: _Martin Zigmar - "This May Be the Last of Me Being Boring"_

* * *

INTRO

SCHERIS: Poor Zigmar. His episode is so lame. WHO CARES? MY EPISODE IS AFTER THIS ONE!

MIMORI: Way to show sympathy, Condom Top.

VILLAGE

SCHERIS: Yo, Asuka! You comin?

ASUKA: Nah, I think the villagers need me here, so I'll stay.

SCHERIS: ...Wuss.

COUGAR: Why does no one listen to me?

MIMORI: Cuz you sound too much like my mom.

SCHERIS: Same here, pal.

COUGAR: (Sighs) Whatever, but let me drive! I WANNA DRIVE!

SCHERIS: Crap!

CITY

KAZUMA: Hey Ryuho. We kicked their asses.

RYUHO: Heh-heh. Yeah we did.

(They end up staring at each other for quite an extended period of time.)

KAZUMA & RYUHO: AAAAAAAAAARGH! NO YAOI! NO YAOI! (They both BARF THEIR BRAINS OUT.)

ROAD TRIP TO CITY

STRAIGHT: Ilikespeed! Whenyoudothingsfastertheworldisabetterplacetolive! ThatswhyIlikespeed! Speedspeedspeedspeedspeedspeed!

MIMORI: I don't understand a thing you're saying. (She covers her mouth with a HANKERCHIEF.) Ugh! I'm sick! I wish I could vomit in your face!

SCHERIS: Same here!

HOLY HQ (NOW EVILFIED)

RYUHO: We must now part ways-

KAZUMA: -before anything weird happens. (They both SEPARATE. FANGIRLS cry in TOTAL OUTRAGE.)

INSIDE

ZIGMAR: It's go time. (He LEAVES.)

MEANWHILE

RYUHO: I must purify the sanctity of this series and eliminate the Mary Sue! To protect the sanctity of the series!

ZIGMAR: Heyas, Ryuho!

RYUHO: ...

ZIGMAR: You're a traitor! I kick your ass now! I must make you a man!

RYUHO ...

MEANWHILE

EXPLOSION: BLAMMO!

KAZUMA: No fair! He got into a fight first?

BIG UGLY DUDE: HAMMER!

KAZUMA: Even worse, I gotta go up against Timmy here!

BIG UGLY DUDE: Blagghbrrlaghlagh Hammer!

KAZUMA: It'll only take one shot!

IN THE MEANTIME

ZIGMAR: I want to see a magical comeback sequence now, because I'm a masochist!

RYUHO: In Hell!

ZIGMAR: Time for some motivation. What if I told you that I was using you to gain ultimate power from the Native Alter dude? What if I told you that the Native Alter dude was actually a being from the other side? WHAT IF I TOLD YOU THAT THE WHOLE TIME, WHEN YOU WERE MAKING EVERYONE ELSE YOUR BITCH, YOU WERE _MY_ BITCH THE WHOLE TIME?

RYUHO: How ironic.

ZIGMAR: Yes, it is.

RYUHO: Ok. If you told me that, then I would totally open a cnha of Super Saiya-jin whoop-ass on you!

ZIGMAR: SWEET!

MUJO: Wow. He really _does_ want to die.

GYRAX: I gotta stop using "bitch" for a while.

FNAS: YOU CAN'T!

GYRAX: **CUT IT OUT!**

MEANWHILE

KAZUMA: That would be 17 tries!

BIG UGLY DUDE: HAMMER! (BIG UGLY ROBOT respawns --- _again_.)

KAZUMA: Great.

IN THE MEANTIME

RYUHO: I'm afraid it's transformation time!

ZIGMAR: STOP BLUBBERING AND DO IT!

RYUHO: DON'T RUSH ME! (The Transformation begins.) Let me scream my lungs out first. AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH-

92 HOURS LATER

RYUHO: -AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! (The Transformation ends.)

ZIGMAR: Took you long enough.

RYUHO: HA! I'M SUPER SAIYA-JIN 4 NOW, MOTHAF---KA!

ZIGMAR: THAT'S SKIPPING A FEW LEVELS!

RYUHO: Have you forgotten? I am Ryuho! I am The One! I am the Matrix! WHOOSH!

ZIGMAR: You got me there. (He gets his ASS KICKED.)

Enter ILYON: NOOOOOOOOOO! BANJO, I mean, FATHEEEEEEEEEEEEEER!

URIZANE: That's an interesting twist.

RYUHO: Well, Sunrise has a knack for this kind of stuff.

MEANWHILE

KAZUMA: Ok. That's 311 tries, now.

BIG UGLY DUDE: HAMMER! (BIG UGLY ROBOT respawns --- _again_.)

KAZUMA: WILL YOU STOP RESPAWNING?

(Ground underneath BIG UGLY ROBOT gives way, causing BIG UGLY DUDE to fall to the ground far, far below.)

KAZUMA: That's a lame-ass ending if you ask me. Oh yeah, obligatory mourning sequence.

AT THE HQ GATES

MIMORI: Well, we're here. It's like every villain's pad at every Disney movie ever made.

SCHERIS: Hold my hand.

MIMORI: Ok.

STRAIGHT: And what's going on here?

MIMORI: It's called "The Buddy System". Females are much more frail and delicate creatures, so we need to stick together. Besides, you always get my name wrong.

AT THE HQ ITSELF

KANAMI (Sleepily): I have a bad feeling about this...

The End, Bee-yotches!

* * *

Next Time…

_s-CRYING-ed: In a Nutshell_

Episode 23: _Condom Top Scheris_


	23. Condom Top Scheris

Note: I do not own s-CRY-ed, or any other intellectual properties. They are all copyrights of their respectful owners. The rest, however, is MINE, BEE-YOTCHES!

WARNING: Reading this load of crap will be detrimental to your IQ. Proceed at your own discretion.

It's PARODY TIME!

* * *

GYRAX Presents…

_s-CRYING-ed: In a Nutshell_

Episode 23: _Condom Top Scheris_

* * *

INTRO

SCHERIS: FINALLY! MY OWN EPISODE!

MIMORI: This one will turn out to be pretty lame, too.

SCHERIS: You love to reign in on people's parades, don't you bitch?

HOLY HQ

STRAIGHT: At last! My fantasy date!

MIMORI: Date?

STRAIGHT: Play along.

MIMORI: Ok.

MUJO: And here comes the Date Crasher! (Starring Owen Wilson.)

STRAIGHT: You get the hell out of here, MIMORI!

MIMORI: Cool! You finally got my name right! That means you're going to die, right?

STRAIGHT: Yup.

MUJO: I am Kyoji Mujo, and I AM GOD! (He KILLS STRAIGHT.)

MIMORI: You suck, but I gotta go. (She LEAVES.)

LATER

MUJO: Let's make a ruckus! (He MAKES A RUCKUS.)

RYUHO: Oh sh--!

MYSTERIOUS ALTER: Surprise! Please excuseth me! I needeth to kicketh your asseth now! (He DOES.)

RYUHO: You suck!

SCHERIS: I barely make an appearance here. How the hell was this supposed to be my episode? Oh crap! Ryuho's gonna die! Time to make a miracle!

MUJO: Miracle on 34th Street...

MEANWHILE

MIMORI: Let's make a ruckus! (She DOES.)

MUJO: I hate you _and_ your complete disregard for private property!

MIMORI: Suck it!

SCHERIS: Time for my magic kiss!

MIMORI: Wait. SHE KISSES HIM?

SCHERIS:Yup. HEY! I'M DISAPPEARING! THIS IS TOTALLY LAME-O! (She DIES.)

RYUHO revives: Wow. That totally sucks! Mujo's _soooooooooooooooooooo_ gonna die!

KAUZMA: Hey. I got a brilliant idea! Why don't you cry for her? It's emascualting. You'll love it! (Plus it'll win her over. Girls like girly men. The Yaoi fanbases prove it.)

RYUHO: WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!

MUJO: Our actor's budjet was practically wated on this episode.

MIMORI: There's such thing as an actor's budget?

MUJO: DO NOT QUESTION GOD!

MIMORI: Whatever...

The End, Bee-yotches!

* * *

Next Time…

_s-CRYING-ed: In a Nutshell_

Episode 24: _F.I.S.T.!_


	24. FIST!

Note: I do not own s-CRY-ed, or any other intellectual properties. They are all copyrights of their respectful owners. The rest, however, is MINE, BEE-YOTCHES!

WARNING: Reading this load of crap will be detrimental to your IQ. Proceed at your own discretion.

It's PARODY TIME!

* * *

GYRAX Presents…

_s-CRYING-ed: In a Nutshell_

Episode 24: _F.I.S.T.!_

* * *

INTRO

KAZUMA: ... Crybaby.

RYUHO: Didn't you tell me to cry last episode?

KAZUMA Oh yeah...

MEANWHILE

KUJO: Here's me acting like your typical villain. Man, it feels good to be a gangsta!

IN THE MEANTIME

ILYON: My network's back up.

MIMORI: AWWW YEAH! WHO'S THE BITCH NOW, MUJO? I JUST TORCHED YOR ASS, MAN! I TORCHED YOUR ASS! By the way, how's Ryuho doing?

ILYON: Great, although he was supposed to be dead.

MIMORI: How is he still alive, then?

ILYON: Think. Trace back to every anime you've ever seen and try to figure out what most of them have in common?

MIMORI: The "sacrifice yourself to revive someone" cliché! Someone gave his/her life to save him. (Thank god it ain't Kazuma, seeing how he's stil alive.)

ILYON: SCHERIS ADJANI'S DEAD? AND COUGAR, TOO!

MIMORI: WHAAAAAAAAAAAT? THAT'S BULL----!

URIZANE: HEY! That was _my_ line!

MIMORI: Sorry. the girl was really growing on me. You know I was planning on going out with her in case Ryuho went Yaoi on Kazuma.

ILYON: You nut-job. What about Cougar? And is the author trying to balance the Shounen-ai subtext with Yuri?

MEANWHILE

MUJO: I'm gonna read your minds and exploit every weakness like the "Mary-Sue" that I am! Oh, and if I'm a "Mary-Sue", then why does everyone hate me? I thought they attract every member of the opposite sex. (Or the same sex in extreme cases.)

KAZUMA: You have God-like powers for one thing! (And what does he mean by "same-sex attraction"?)

RYUHO: Meowth! That's right!

KAZUMA: You're gonna say that through the whole episode, aren't you?

RYUHO: Meowth! That's right!

MUJO: Well, allow me to use my God-like powers and KILL YOU ALL! BECAUSE I'M BETTER THAN EVERYONE! I AM GOD!

KAZUMA: Hey, kiss my ass!

RYUHO: Meowth! That's right!

MYSTERIOUS ALTER: Many greetings, Ryuho. Shalt we dance?

RYUHO: Sorry, Kazuma. I'm preoccupied at the moment. Perhaps, you can take care of Mujo yourself.

KAZUMA: Screw you!

MUJO: Well, Kazuma. Shall we dance?

KAZUMA: I was _so_ looking forward to this, bitch!

(They FIGHT.)

MUJO: Your attempts to berate me are amusing, little one! I am Mujo! I am the one! I am the Matrix! WHOOSH!

(AUDIENCE is SUPPOSED TO BE captivated by his BULLET TIME SKILLZ, but they hate him too much to do so.)

MUJO: And I shall make you my bitch!

KAZUMA: I don't like the sound of that.

MUJO: Time to use my God-like powers! (He KICKS HIS ASS.)

KAZUMA: I hate you! Where's Canti when you need him?

KANAMI: _Where's Darth Vader when you need him?_

KAZUMA: Screw Canti! I'm going for a magical comeback!

MUJO: Those are dangerous, aren't they?

KAZUMA: I don't give a f---! SSJ4 TIME, BEE-YOTCHES!

COUGAR: And here's me using the last of my life to make a minor appearance, and ge the children out before they're subjected to the oncoming gratuitous violence.

MUJO: I'll stop you before you transform! (He tries, but hurts his hands in the process.) DAMMIT! WHY CAN'T I STOP IT!

KAZUMA: Haven't you seen that episode of DBZ when Trunks tried to stop Cell from transforming into perfect form? Yeah, it was futile because you can't stop transformations in the process; it's against the laws of anime. The villains from Sailor Moon are well aware of this.

MUJO: Oh, sh--! You got a point!

KAZUMA: NOW I'M SSJ4, BEE-YOTCH! AND THIS TIME, I MAKE YOU _MY_ BITCH!

MUJO: Mufasa? YOU'RE ALIVE?

KAZUMA: THE LION KING IS IN THE HIZZOUSE! (He kicks Mujo's ASS.)

MUJO: WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARGH! I'M HIS BITCH! (GENDOWNED!)

MEANWHILE

RYUHO: I guess it's my turn. SSJ4 MODE ACTIVATE! ZETSUEI! FUSE WITH ME!

ZETSUEI: You're kidding, right Jack?

RYUHO: FUSE WITH ME, DAMMIT!

(They FUSE)

MYSTERIOUS ALTER: Somethig doth tell me I art screwed!

RYUHO: Damn straight! (He KICKS ASS.)

MYSTERIOUS ALTER: VAPRORIZED!

MEANWHILE

KAZUMA: Good riddance. Ever since he came in the picture, he practically ruined the story.

RYUHO: Had fun, Simba?

KAZUMA: Yeah, no thanks to you.

RYUHO sweatdrops: I said I was preoccupied. You know, past scores and crap.

KAZUMA: Whatever.

MUJO: Guess who's back! And uglier than ever to boot!

RYUHO: Pathetic. He's a corny villain right down to his "I came back in an ugly super-powerful monster form" core. Care to take care of him, Mufasa --- I mean, Kazuma?

KAZUMA: SCREW YOU! Oh hell, I'll kick his ass again because I hate his guts!

MUJO: Kick _my_ ass? But I'm a monster, which means I'm even more powerful then before!

KAZUMA: Shut the f--- up! Time to pull off a Sylvester Stallone reference!

MUJO: Which movie woulde that be? Rocky? Rambo?

KAZUMA: Even better! **F.I.S.T.!** (He PUNCHES HIM to ABSOLUTE OBLIVION.)

RYUHO: Mujo has left the building!

KAZUMA: And thank God!

OUTSIDE A NOW COLLAPSED HOLY HQ

MIMORI: Everyone's safe, too. (Except for the dead people.) Amazing how the world is so much better without Mujo. Damn, he must have _really_ sucked.

The End, Bee-yotches!

* * *

Next Time…

_s-CRYING-ed: In a Nutshell_

Episode 25: _The Angry Natives_

_

* * *

_

Author's Notes:

Only two more to go. Hang on there, people!

Am i the only one here who saw the movie _F.I.S.T._ starring Sylvester Stallone? (Actually I saw the movie in sociology class.) For those who haven't seen it, the title stands for "**F**ederation of **I**nter**S**tate **T**ruckers".

Until next time, ciao!

-GYRAX


	25. The Angry Natives

Note: I do not own s-CRY-ed, or any other intellectual properties. They are all copyrights of their respectful owners. The rest, however, is MINE, BEE-YOTCHES!

WARNING: Reading this load of crap will be detrimental to your IQ. Proceed at your own discretion.

It's PARODY TIME!

* * *

GYRAX Presents…

_s-CRYING-ed: In a Nutshell_

Episode 25: _The Angry Natives_

* * *

INTRO

KAZUMA: SHUT-UP!

RYUHO: YOU SHUT-UP!

KAZUMA: YOU SHUT-UP!

RYUHO: YOU SHUT-UP!

KAZUMA: YOU SHUT-UP!

RYUHO: YOU SHUT-UP!

ASUKA: YOU SHUT-UP!

KAZUMA and RYUHO: **YOU SHUT-UP!**

ASUKA: All right! I'll shut-up! Geez!

LATER AT ASUKA'S OH-SO-LAVISH ESTATE

ASUKA: Well, we did something heroic, but Mujo had ties to the mainland, and by destroying him, he all screwed ourselves.

MIMORI: You don't watch much television, do you? This is an action show; we'll pull through somehow. Not doing so is against the genre's regulations. Now why don't we talk about how great Ryuho and Kazuma are --- again.

ASUKA: Sure thing.

LATER

KANAMI: Will Kazu-kun ever return?

MIMORI: I'm pretty sure he will.

KANAMI: Really?

MIMORI: Well, I don't know, but I need to make you happy. A happy girl is a healthy one. Besides, clinical depression can lead to some serious illnesses, and I don't want to see you sick again.

KANAMI: Thank you for you infinite wisdom.

MIMORI: Infinite?

KANAMI: Well, I need to make you feel good, right. A happy girl's a healthy girl.

MIMORI: You learn fast.

AIRPORT

KAZUMA: Yo lackeys! Have you read any books by George Orwell?

MAINLAND GUY: I read Animal Farm, but what does that have to do with -

**BLAMMO!**

RYUHO: You can say that we're reenacting it, bitches! (Save the other half.)

MEANWHILE

ILYON: Those watermelons are Mutsumi's, aren't they?

URIZANE: Well --- three of them are --- Oh $#! Time for planting!

(And the people of the Lost Ground became independent and rebuilt the place themselves. Of course, you knew this was going to happen, because you have faith in the COMMON ACTION SERIES.)

IN THE MEANTIME

MIMORI: See? What did I tell you? I knew we'd make a comeback, just like in every other series.

ASUKA: I hear ya. Oh, can you get some stuff from me in the car?

MIMORI: Sure thing. (She leaves.)

KANAMI: Well, I'm outta here. (She leaves.)

RYUHO: Glad to see you Mimori, but I gotta leave in a second to some big-ass battle against the mainland, so I just wanted to say hi.

MIMORI: Why, though? You know if I saw you leave, I'd freak out!

RYUHO: Actually, I totally forgot.

LATER

KANAMI: We're in a scaringly similar scene ourselves, right Kazu-kun?

KAZUMA: STOP CALLING ME THAT!

LATER ON

KAZUMA: I'll take care of them.

RYUHO: I'll take care of them!

KAZUMA: I'LL TAKE CARE OF THEM!

RYUHO: **I'LL TAKE CARE OF THEM!**

(Then they see a MASSIVE ARMY.)

KAZUMA and RYUHO: Hell, we'll _both_ take care of them. (And off they go into a BIG-ASS BATTLE. There are MANY EXPLOSIONS EVERYWHERE!)

**BLAMMO!**

**BOOM!**

**BIG BOOM!**

**KA-FSCKING-BLOOEY!**

KAZUMA and RYUHO: **LONG LIVE ANIMAL FARM!**

_All night looooong! (All niiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiight...)_

AT NIGHT IN SOME BEDROOM

MIMORI: You think they'll ever come back?

KANAMI: And you said something about the COMMON ACTION SERIES, right?

MIMORI: ...

KANAMI: Dude! They're invincible! The only things that can stop them are each other.

MEANWHILE

KAZUMA: Hey! We have a score to settle! LET'S FIGHT!

RYUHO: LET'S!

MEANWHILE

KANAMI: GOD, THEY'RE STUPID!

IN THE MEANTIME

ILYON: Looks like someone's catching on. Wait! They're gonna fight? AWW $#!

The End, Bee-yotches!

* * *

Next Time…

_s-CRYING-ed: In a Nutshell_

Episode 26: _Row, Row, Row your Boat, Gently Down the Stream. Merrily, Merrily, Merrily, Merrily, Life is but a Dream._


	26. Dream

Note: I do not own s-CRY-ed, or any other intellectual properties. They are all copyrights of their respectful owners. The rest, however, is MINE, BEE-YOTCHES!

WARNING: Reading this load of crap will be detrimental to your IQ. Proceed at your own discretion.

LET'S PARODY ONE MORE TIME!

* * *

Previously, on _s-CRYING-ed: In a Nutshell_...

KANAMI: Dude! They're invincible! The only things that can stop them are each other.

MEANWHILE

KAZUMA: Hey! We have a score to settle! LET'S FIGHT!

RYUHO: LET'S!

MEANWHILE

KANAMI: GOD, THEY'RE STUPID!

IN THE MEANTIME

ILYON: Looks like someone's catching on. Wait! They're gonna fight? AWW $#!

* * *

KAZUMA: You ready, bee-yotch?

RYUHO: As ready as I hope you are, bee-yotch!

* * *

_**GYRAX Presents…**_

* * *

KAZUMA: You sure you want some, bee-yotch?

RYUHO: If you do, bee-yotch!

* * *

_**s-CRYING-ed: In a Nutshell**_

* * *

KAZUMA: Y0U JUST D14L3D 1-800-COLLECT-AN-ASS-WHOOPIN, **B33-Y07CH!**

RYUHO: 1'LL K1CK Y0UR M0NK3Y 4SS B3CK T0 T3H JUNGL3, **B33-Y07CH!**

(They CHARGE at one another.)

KAZUMA and RYUHO: **L33T SP34K H4S R3TURN3D!**

EXPLOSION: **KA-BLAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAM!**

* * *

_**Episode 26: Row, Row, Row your Boat, Gently Down the Stream. Merrily, Merrily, Merrily, Merrily, Life is but a Dream.**_

* * *

RYUHO: ZETSUEI! I CHOOSE YOU! (ZETSUEI appears.)

KAZUMA: HA! You and your evil Pokémon!

RYUHO: ZETSUEI! STREAMER ATTACK!

KAZUMA: Oh yeah? Well, HOW ABOUT MY _FIST_ ATTACK! (He PWNS.)

RYUHO: ZETSUEI! Evolve into ZETSUEI! (It EVOLVES.)

KAZUMA: HA! You and you petty digivolution! Come and get me if you think you have the grapes, B1TCH!

(ZETSUEI pwns back.)

KAZUMA: Maybe that was a bad idea.

IN THE BACKGROUND

Enter MIMORI: Do all men live like this, dammit? I JUST DON'T GET IT!

KANAMI hands her a BOOK: Read this. It's a book about the male psyche. It clearly says that men sometimes just want to fight their troubles away.

MIMORI: How long did you have this?

KANAMI: Long enough. How did you think I was able to subdue Kazu-kun so well?

MIMORI: You got me there...

SOMEWHERE ELSE

URIZANE: Mutsumi will be proud when she sees me planting more watermelons. Oh, and there's gonna be a big fight, today.

ILYON: I know. Hey, wanna broadcast to everyone on the island. It'll be a hell of a lot better than that WWE crap.

STONE COLD STEVE AUSTIN: You want me to whoop your candy ass?

ILYON: HELL, NO! I'll do fine without it, thank you!

(Throughout the Lost Ground, people from all around, including long forgotten characters form the beginning of teh series, gather around thheir TVs, which have MAGICALLY TURNED ON. They see the two combatants.)

OLD MAN: I want Carson Daly!

ON THE BATTLEFIELD

KAZUMA: PH33R T3H P0W4H 0F T4H SSJ!

RYUHO: PH33R T3H P0W4H 0F MY 1ND1FF3R3NC3!

KAZUMA: I B3T J00 D0N G0T T3H R3G3N3R4T10N!

RYUHO: BUT I D0 G0TZ T3H BULL3T-T1M3! **WH00SH!**

KAZUMA: M0NK3Y-L1CK3RZ!

RYUHO: TR33-HUMP3RZ!

KAZUMA: 4SS-BAND1TZ!

RYHUO: T3RD-G0BL1NZ!

KAZUMA: Grrr! **/II173-II07 73C0 1II 134RII-P41II73R'$ $II4CK!**

RYUHO: **I4I/IP P0$7, 1IIK P4II7$, I3I/I0II F4R7$!**

KAZUMA and RYUHO: **B33333333333-Y000000000000TCH!**

EXPLOSION: **BLAMMOOOOOOOOOOOOO!**

AND IN COMES A DREAM SEQUENCE...

KAZUMA: Ahh. Fantasizing's good, except for the scolding part.

KIMISHIMA: If you're scolded in your own fantasies, then you're _really_ screwed up.

KAZUMA: Dammit!

NOW WE MOVE ON TO RYUHO'S DREAM SEQUENCE...

SCHERIS: Just another day of being a total assHOLY!

RYUHO: Wait! This is _my_ fantasy?

SCHERIS: Yup. You're pretty screwed in the head, my friend.

RYUHO: ...Won't you believe it.

BACK TO REALITY

KAZUMA: That was good for a minute.

RYUHO: But now we take it to SSJ4 MODE!

(They MAGICALLY TRANSFORM.)

RYUHO: FLY ME TO THE MOON!

KAZUMA: SOYLENT GREEN IS PEOPLE!

MIMORI: OMG! THEY FLYIN' TO OUTER SPACE!

KANAMI: Wordy McWord-Word!

OUTER SPACE

RYUHO: **MAMA SAID KNOCK YOU OUT!**

KAZUMA: **HERE I AM, ROCK YOU LIKE A HURRICANE!**

(Another mighty explosion practically engulfs, I don't know, half of the **FRICKIN' PLANET**!)

AUDIENCE: ...**DA-YAMN!**

(Our two combatants crash down to earth. Then they fight DRAGON BALL Z STYLE.)

COUGAR: My job is done here. I think I'll die, now.

MIMORI: Oh you suck, and just after you got my name right.

KANAMI: And now they're brilliant light show degenerates into a fist-packed ramma-lamma-bam-jam. Dammit! That's how they always end!

MIMORI: OMG! THEIR FACES ARE CONTROTING!

KANAMI: Yes. Somewhere in France, Pablo Picasso is rolling over in his grave.

MIMORI: DEAD PEOPLE CAN'T ROLL OVER!

(The two fighters stare at each other for what seems like an ETERNITY. Then again, they can barely move.)

RYUHO: B33-y0tch!

KAZUMA: B33-y0tch!

(One final clash ends the fight. They bot fall to the ground, with a big "zero" of dust surrounding them.)

MIMORI: Damn --- what now?

(A fist raises high into the air.)

KANAMI: Power-ups to the people... (She raises her own.)

TIME PASSES BY, AND THE FUTURE COMES

KANAMI: Am I a looker or what? Anyways, I gotta check up on those two rapscallions and see what they're up to.

RYUHO: Pure beliefes doth not driveth you! Thus, thou art evil! I HATE EVIL!

KANAMI: _...Isn't hate an evil thing?_

KAZUMA: DAMMIT1 I JUST WANNA KICK ASS! WHATEVER HAPPENED TO THE CONCEPT AOF A GOOD FIGHT?

KANAMI: _It left when you two did._ (She addresses the AUDIENCE.) Well, see ya around, peoples. That's it (aside from the epilogue below). Goodbye! (She FLIES AWAY.)

The End, Bee-yotches!

* * *

**_Epilogue_**

KAZUMA: DAMN, SHE WAS HOT! It makes me wish we were the same age!

MIMORI: You're a freak.

KAZUMA: What-frickin'-ever.

SCHERIS: Aren't I supposed to be dead?

KANAMI: Relax, Condom-top. This is an epilogue that has nothing to do with the story.

COUGAR: Yup.

RYUHO: Why are we here, anyway?

KAZUMA: Only God knows.

KANAMI: You guys can read out the credits to pass the time.

KAZUMA: Ah, hell.

RYUHO and KAZUMA: LET'S ROLL THEM CREDITS!

* * *

_**Written by: GYRAX**_

* * *

RYUHO and KAZUMA: **THAT'S IT?**

SCHERIS: Uhh --- yeah.

MIMORI: What, you wanted to see a bunch of names there? That would be an already half-assed effort divided by probably an ungodly an amount of people.

KANAMI: Look at this.

MIMORI: What is it?

KANAMI: The author wants us to read the names of everyone that has "s-CRYING-ED: In a Nutshell" on their favorites and alert lists. A faovire of 32 people, and an alert of 18.

SCHERIS: That's it?

KANAMI: Come on. What's the credits without a Special Thanks list, eh?

COUGAR: She has a point there. I guess this is an equivalent of a Special Thanks list.

KAZUMA: We're gonna read it, now?

KANAMI: Duh, silly-gilly. And you go first.

KAZUMA: ...Nice.

(Kanami hands him the list of poeple who have this ifc on their FAVORITES LIST.)

_**Favorites list**_

KAZUMA: Angelarm Katie

RYUHO: animemaiden

KANAMI: Ayame Kyoshi

MIMORI: Badger Demon?

SCHERIS: Betrayed by Darkness?

COUGAR: Destiny T.

KIMISHIMA: Dream Chaser

KAZUMA: Drgnmastr-Alex of the Dark Icon Writers

ZIGMAR: ello-poppit

URIZANE: Erin Elric

ILYON: HentaiNoBakaChick57

ASUKA: ImperialGuardian09

KIMISHIMA: InsaneOddBall?

MUJO: Jarr Jar?

AYASE: Jeemers

MIMORI: Kawaii-Akuhei

KANAMI: Kentucky Fly Chick?

COUGAR: kevaiss

ASUKA: Ladies of Evil

RYUHO: Luciado

ZIGMAR: MiraResQNU

KAZUMA: MSTRSWRD

MUJO: number 1 trigun fan?

KANAMI: Onirei Kirara

SCHERIS: Pockyz

MIMORI: Raven Scorne

KIMISHIMA: Sailor Tawna-mi

AYASE: Saint H

ASUKA: Satri

KAZUMA: Shiyarou

RYUHO: Tenshi no Namida

MUJO: xXEnvyXx? What the hell?

MIMORI: Ummm --- I think the Xs are silent.

MUJO: WHATEVER!

_**Alert list**_

KAZUMA: There's more?

KANAMI: Don't be a baby.

KAZUMA: All right.

(He reads the list.)

KAZUMA: Betrayed by Darkness?

KANAMI: BIGTOVEN

SCHERIS: Caelistes

MIMORI: Charon

ASUKA: death88

COUGAR: Dream Chaser

RYUHO: Drgnmastr-Alex of the Dark Icon Writers

KIMISHIMA: Erin Elric

AYASE: evilchik

URIZANE: ImperialGuardian09

ILYON: Iudex Acerbus

KAZUMA: Luciado

ZIGMAR: MiraResQNU

MIMORI: MSTRSWRD

MUJO: number 1 trigun fan?

SCHERIS: Pockyz

RYUHO: Raven Scorne

KANAMI: SnowShadowuser

KAZUMA: That's it, right?

KANAMI: Yup.

MUJO ...Does anyone hold a grudge against me?

MIMORI: That's a dumb question. _EVERYONE_ DOES! You ruined the plot!

MUJO: Oh yeah? How come it remained stagnant _even_ after I died.

MIMORI: The damage you caused is IRREVERSIBLE!

MUJO: WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA?

KAZUMA: Well, I'm outta here.

RYUHO: Same here.

ADULT KANAMI: Goodbye --- for _real_, this time. (She SWEATDROPS.)

* * *

Coming soon...

_s-CRING-ed_


End file.
